Growing up, it was scary thinking about marrying one person and sticking with him or her. How does one choose from the lots of good and beautiful people out there? This made the thought of getting married or finding a partner a scary one.
Eventually, I realized that many people still experience this same fear of getting married or staying in a committed relationship for various reasons. From a study done in Nairobi, Kenya, the majority of the participants feared infidelity (26.2%) and divorce (18.5%); and about 10.8% feared marrying the wrong person; 7.7% feared violence. Other reasons why people fear marriage include financial constraints, marital loneliness, loss of freedom, in-laws, and death.
Due to the high prevalence of this type of fear, “gamophobia”, which is the term used to describe this pathological fear of marriage, has become even more popular than ever before.
This fear of marriage or commitment has made many people of marriageable age make mistakes they regret ever making. Thus, any helpful tips on overcoming the fear of marriage or commitment will be much appreciated. Hence, this post is on ways to overcome your fear of marriage.
So, if you are experiencing any fear of marriage, fear of commitment, or fear about who to eventually settle down with, this post will be helpful.
Common Reasons Why You Fear Marriage and Commitment
The very idea of getting married to just one person in the whole world can seem scary and unimaginable. You ask yourself about how you would choose that one person, what criteria would you use in finding him or her? This can make many people not particularly ready for a relationship even when they have someone they like.
Some of the common reasons for an irrational fear of marriage or commitment include the following:
- Fear of infidelity from their partner
- Fear of divorce
- Fear of marrying the wrong person
- Fear of being caged from having fun activities
- Financial situations and obligations
- Feeling not ready for a relationship
These are some of the top reasons why you or someone may be afraid of getting married or becoming committed to a partner.
6 Ways to Overcome Your Fear of Marriage
Overcoming your fear of marriage is possible if you understand the right tips about marriage. These will help you get a better orientation about marriage and make you more confident to enter a committed relationship that will eventually lead to marriage.
1. Learn more about marriage
When you learn more about marriage, your understanding will be clearer and you may discover that your fear of marriage is unfounded. Many of us have unrealistic expectations and responsibilities toward marriage. These can make you fear marriage.
But when you read books about marriage and learn from others who are happily married, you will realize that it doesn’t require superpowers to build and sustain a marriage.
2. Let go of the past
One of the primary reasons why many people fear marriage and commitment is their fear of divorce or heartbreak. If you have experienced either of these, you need to learn to let go of the past so you can have a fulfilling relationship and marriage ahead of you.
No matter what you experienced in your past relationships, you have yet to meet the one that gives you true happiness.
3. Think about the good side of marriage
For many people, all they get to think about is the negative aspects of marriage: things like divorce, breakups, and all that. But on the bright side, marriage has a lot of good things to offer, and if well-managed, it might not degenerate into any of those negative things you are so scared of.
PyshCentral also offered additional ways to overcome one’s fear of marriage as below:
4. Develop realistic expectations
When it comes to reality, none of those fairy tales we fantasize about in our minds are real. Marriage is not a union between two perfect people who always and love each other. It is a union between two people who are happy with each other even when they are sometimes not being so lovable.
You should recognize your shortcomings, though not necessarily dealbreakers, as well as those of your partners. And it’s fine to cut yourself some slack about your shortcomings as long as you will do the same for your potential partner.
It’s about doing all it takes to make it work, instead of hoping it will always be rosy and full of perfection.
5. Know your reason for marrying
Several reasons exist why people agree to tie the knot. Most of us desire a lasting union that fulfills us emotionally, spiritually, as well as physically, and materially.
While cynics believe that marriage is obsolete in its true definition, one must also understand that it is also about fulfilling the other person as much as we want to be fulfilled.
Many people simply marry because others are marrying, or because of some reasons offered by someone else. But it is important to define your reason(s) for marrying and see that you can get them met.
Once you have a concrete reason, it will no longer feel so demotivating or scary to get married.
6. Believe that you can succeed in your marriage too
For every successful marriage, there have been hundreds of failed unions, but you can choose to be on the side of success if you can believe it.
Many people have decided not to get married because of the incessant stories of negativity from some marriages forgetting that there are also great marriage stories with beautiful endings.
You need to understand that every marriage is a miracle. You too can create one if you believe and if you don’t get too afraid to believe.
Last words
Finally, overcoming your fear of marriage involves believing in the good side of marriage, letting go of the past, becoming realistic with your expectations, and knowing your reasons for marrying.
Besides getting married simply because others are doing so or because your parents want you to get married, you should find out your personal reasons for getting married. That should give you another reason to believe in the possibility of having a happy marriage that you desire.
It is another opportunity to prove cynics wrong that getting married is not for selfish reasons only. Consider how you can add value to the life of your partner in your quest for fulfillment from your marriage too. Trust me, marriage is sweeter when you both care for each other.
