Are you worried that your boyfriend is too slow to propose? This post seeks to address your fears and open your eyes to what you need to expect from that relationship.
It gets worrisome when your boyfriend is not showing signs that he wants to take it to the next step after dating him for a couple of years. You might start asking yourself if there is still hope in the relationship. But you realize you have come too far to back down just like that.
This post will explore why your boyfriend may be taking too long to propose and what you can do to expedite the process or know if it will be worth the wait.
When Can We Say He Is Too Slow to Propose
According to the Diamond Pro 2019 Engagement Survey, many women expected a proposal within 1-2 years of dating.[1]Diamond Pro 2019 Engagement Survey Another survey by Zola reported that 30% of women expected a proposal within 18 months to 2 years.[2]Zola 2018 Newlywed Survey
From a study by Men’s Health in 2019, 56% of women felt 2 years was the ideal time frame for a proposal[3]Men’s Health 2019. Another ‘OnePoll-De Beers survey’ in 2020 revealed that 25% of women felt frustrated after waiting 3 years for a proposal[4]SWNS Media Group, while a YouGov’s 2020 survey showed that 50% of women began to question their relationship after waiting more than 3 years for a proposal.[5]YouGov 2020 Survey
To most people, we see that a proposal lasting more than two years of dating is considered too slow. This is largely because most women see engagement as a commitment step and may begin to develop fear that they are investing energy into a relationship that may not result in marriage or long-term commitment. Even after an engagement, it might also take some more time to plan for a wedding.
That being said, two years or less is just enough for both partners to know each other well enough to be sure they want to live together ever after. The exact time expectation may differ for each woman but it can be considered delayed if a man has not yet proposed after three years of dating.
8 Reasons Your Boyfriend is Too Slow to Propose
Knowing how to address the situation when your boyfriend is too slow to propose might require knowing some possible reasons why he is being too slow to propose even when he has shown signs that he loves you. These can range from a fear of commitment to other reasons including financial reasons.
According to Bridebook.com, the average couple would get married within 1.67 years (20 months) after engagement. Brides.com puts it between 12 and 18 months after the proposal. This means that not only will a man not be ready for the proposal, but he may also not be ready for the events that come immediately after it.
In this section, we will see some important reasons why a man would be too slow to propose. After this, we will see what you can do next.
1. Fear of commitment
Fear of commitment is an important reason why a man who loves you may act too slowly to take the relationship to the next level. It is also referred to as “Gamophobia”, which describes as unseen fear of commitment or marriage.
Gamophobia results from several feelings related to perceived ideas about commitment and marriage. Some men might not feel ready for the emotional requirements of being in a committed relationship or may have had an idealized or overly negative view of marriage based on cues from the society and media.
Also, some men might associate commitment/marriage with a limitation of their personal freedom and independence, while others may be haunted by experiences of painful breakups, infidelity, or dysfunctional relationships.
These are potential reasons why a man might develop a fear of commitment and become too slow to propose. However, if he truly loves you, he should be able to find a way to discuss these inner fears with you in hopes of overcoming them and settling down with you.
2. He is not financially ready for marriage
As we have seen, planning for marriage is the expected next step after every proposal, and it also requires some level of financial readiness.
According to the study by Zola among couples in the United States, weddings cost anywhere from $5k to $100k in 2022, with more than two-thirds of couples going over their budgets. This is aside from the money that would be required for the engagement party itself. And we may expect an increase in these amounts with increasing cost of living every year.[6]The First Look Report 2022
Putting these together, a man might feel that he is not financially ready for marriage which can cause a delay in the proposal until he is more financially comfortable.
While this can be a reason why your boyfriend who loves is being slow to propose and take the relationship a step ahead, he needs to know that with proper planning, he can get things done with less if they plan more carefully.
3. He feels it’s not the right time for marriage
When it comes to marriage, we all have different timelines. To some, they may want to get married as soon as possible while some others may want to wait a little bit longer to put some things in place first. And if your boyfriend feels that it’s probably not the right time to get married, it can explain why he is taking so long to propose to you despite how he feels towards you.
Some reasons why your man may not feel that it is the right time for him might include a desire to pursue his career, get a post-graduate degree, or establish some infrastructure before getting married.
It is also important to explore the differences in the socio-biological timeline of men and women. At certain ages, women are at a higher pressure to get married compared to men of the same age. And while you may be under intense pressure to marry, he might not consider getting a major priority, hence the delay in proposing to you.
4. He has a different understanding of marriage
We all assume everyone wants to get married to the love of their lives and have a family until we actually find people who don’t share those ideas about marriage.
According to a Pew Research Centre survey in 2019, the share of U.S. adults who are currently married has declined modestly in recent decades, from 58% in 1995 to 53% in 2019, while 46% of adults were saying society is well off if couples who wants to stay together decide not to get married.[7]Views on Marriage and Cohabitation in the U.S. | Pew Research Center (Archive)
He might not have the same ideas of marriage as you, which is why he is too slow to propose or he might even never do. It is important to be sure what his beliefs on marriage are as you go on in the relationship. And if he has a firm belief against getting married, or the charades surrounding marriage/ceremonies, you might have to make your decision bearing this in mind.
5. Your expectations are overwhelming
Proposals are usually surprise events from planning to execution but a study has shown that 98% of pre-engaged women still want a personal and unique proposal despite having known beforehand that the man has plans to marry them. Moreso, 96% said they wanted to have some involvement in the selection of her engagement ring and would not want it to be a total surprise, with the primary choice being a diamond engagement ring.[8]The Knot and De Beers Group Engagement Expectations Study Reveals What Women Really Want in a Marriage Proposal – Prnewswire.com)
Again, the same study above highlights that nearly half of the respondents in the survey are spending between $1000 to $4000 on their engagement ring, with just about 9% spending under $1000. This is not to include other engagement plans and those of marriage that come after.
These expectations coupled with limited financial resources could make a man frightened and thus make him delay the proposal until he feels more ready to meet your expectations.
6. He is not sure where the relationship is headed
From the Pews Research Centre survey, 44% of respondents said they are not ready to make that kind of commitment, with 14% citing this as a major reason why they have not given thought to getting married to their partner. Sometimes, a man might experience uncertainties in his feelings towards you in the relationship. It happens.
When that happens, he attempts to take more time to understand his feelings and better determine where the relationship is headed. Some other times, he might just need enough time to know you better before taking things ahead.
Emotional turbulence can also arise in situations when he sees someone else he has always admired, or an ex he always wanted to get back to show up in his life again, as well as other causes of emotional indecisiveness. In any case, be patient while you establish the exact reasons for his indecisiveness; but you are also at liberty to move on with someone else if you don’t think you can wait anymore.
What to Do When He Is Too Slow to Propose
Knowing what to do when your boyfriend is too slow to propose can be challenging but desperate times call for desperate measures. While it is normal to feel resentful, frustrated, or disappointed with your long-term boyfriend who is being too slow in proposing to you, here are some things you can do to handle the issue more safely and maturely.
1. Relax! Take a breath!!
When your boyfriend is too slow to propose, it is normal to get caught up in anxiety and desperation but this is the time to stay calm and relaxed to avoid making rash decisions that you would regret. Relax, take a break, and put your mind on the great things in your relationship with your partner.
Allowing your anxiety make you mount undue pressure on your boyfriend without knowing the deeper reasons why he has not yet proposed might make things worse for both of you in the relationship. Instead, focus on identifying the problems and knowing the best ways to respond to them.
If social media triggers your anxiety and pressure to get married, you might want to take a break for a while.
2. Assess the situation
I believe you should now have a possible reason why your boyfriend might be too slow to propose. He might not say it directly but if you are observant, you might understand his priorities and concerns at the moment.
If you are not sure why he is acting so, you can revisit the common reasons discussed above and see if any one or more of them fit into the situation as you see it. Otherwise, the next step would be advised.
3. Engage in an open discussion with him
There is no better person to find out the reasons why he is not willing to propose now than the person himself. Have an honest and calm conversation with your boyfriend about your desires and try to let him say his’ as well.
Make the discussion as open as possible, that is, communicate freely and listen to his perspective as well. Avoid making demands or threats but instead, express your feelings and concerns calmly and thoughtfully. You might be able to know what the problem is and then know how to overcome the challenges.
4. Drop subtle hints
Dropping subtle hints about marriage is one great way to let your partner know your desires for the relationship without being too direct. This might include talking about family, having children, discussing marriage, or engagement stories. These will let him know that you really want to take things to the next level.
While this may not change his mind if he is not ready for commitment at the time, it can make him put in more effort if he genuinely wants to propose and marry you eventually. He may let you know what the challenges are if he feels the need to.
5. Set personal boundaries if necessary
If you feel strongly about getting engaged within a certain timeframe, setting personal boundaries is not out of place. This can help make it clear that marriage is important to you and that you cannot wait indefinitely without clarity on where the relationship is headed.
Setting boundaries is about realizing that you can’t give full freedom to someone who you cannot confidently call your man. By avoiding important marriage and proposal discussions, his commitment is questionable.
6. Reconsider your expectations
Whether he takes you to the Eiffel Tower to propose with a diamond ring or he does that in a decorated room with a few of his and your friends, a proposal is a proposal. While a majority of proposers propose with a ring, get on their knees, and say the exact words ‘Will you marry me’, there are certainly those who don’t.[9]Tying the Knot: Wedding Statistics, Facts and Figures – TPS Blog Having too many expectations for a proposal can significantly increase the financial burden for the wedding and related logistics.
7. Practice self-love
While you wait for your man to utter those words of commitment to you in your proposal, self-love will help you keep calm and avoid excessive anxiety. Get adequate rest, sleep, and exercise, and avoid letting the frustration get to you. Also, focus on improving your life and pursuing your dreams.
Another important way to practice self-love when you are waiting for a proposal is by avoiding social media for a while, or setting your social media feeds to stop displaying too many engagement pictures and videos which can further heighten your anxiety.
Why is my boyfriend taking so long to propose?
Several reasons can make your boyfriend take so long to propose including fear of commitment, financial concerns, emotional readiness, past experiences, as well as having a different view of relationships and marriage. Good communication will help you find out the exact causes of why he is too slow to propose and help him address them accordingly.
How can you make your boyfriend propose faster?
While many women use persuasions and enticements to pressure their man into proposing to them, the results can be catastrophic. The best scenario is if he succumbs to her and goes on with the wedding when he is not fully prepared or unsure if to take things forward. Things could however hit the dead end soon.
Some partners who faced pressure to marry have absconded the night before the wedding day. Sometimes, the relationship could even break up due to the overwhelming pressure your partner is getting from you. But you simply need to live your best life, and basing your happiness on someone else's life.
Look out for signs that he wants to marry you for a few months (say 5-8 months). Communicate your needs and concerns. I know it can be difficult to walk out of a relationship you have invested so much into but if you genuinely feel that your boyfriend is not showing any promising signs, you might have to take your leave, instead of trying to force him to propose to you.
How do I bring up the subject of marriage without pressuring him?
Approach the conversation with patience and openness. Start by discussing your future together in general terms, then share your thoughts about marriage. Emphasize that it's about understanding each other’s timelines for marriage and feelings.
What should I do if he still isn’t proposing after we’ve talked?
Reassess the relationship; consider whether you and your partner have aligned long-term goals. If marriage is crucial for you and he’s not ready, you may need to reconsider the relationship.
But if all is fine, give him time. It is important to set personal boundaries while you wait, and also decide how long you are willing to wait.
Is it okay to propose to him instead?
Absolutely! While traditionally men propose, it’s perfectly acceptable for a woman to take the initiative. The most important factor is what feels right for both partners, and how much you want to be with your partner.
Can couples skip the proposal and just plan a wedding?
Yes, not all couples go through a formal proposal. Some couples may mutually decide to get married without a traditional engagement: mutual agreement and common alignment on the next steps in the relationship matter.
Final words
There are several reasons why your man may be too slow to propose. Open communication is an important way to address the problems regarding proposals. While you wait for your man to propose, it is essential to practice self-care and avoid getting worked up by the turn of events.
If your boyfriend is yet to propose to you and you still have specific questions and concerns, feel free to drop them in the comment section below. I will take time to tailor this information to your specific situation if they have not addressed your situation already.
References
| ↑1 | Diamond Pro 2019 Engagement Survey |
|---|---|
| ↑2 | Zola 2018 Newlywed Survey |
| ↑3 | Men’s Health 2019 |
| ↑4 | SWNS Media Group |
| ↑5 | YouGov 2020 Survey |
| ↑6 | The First Look Report 2022 |
| ↑7 | Views on Marriage and Cohabitation in the U.S. | Pew Research Center (Archive) |
| ↑8 | The Knot and De Beers Group Engagement Expectations Study Reveals What Women Really Want in a Marriage Proposal – Prnewswire.com) |
| ↑9 | Tying the Knot: Wedding Statistics, Facts and Figures – TPS Blog |
