Have you ever had to let go of someone you love, not because you stopped loving them but because holding on to them hurt too much? Letting go of someone you love is not an act of cowardice; it is a show of bravery and courage.
Since the first time I came across the quote, “If you love someone, let them go; If they come back, they are yours forever,” it has evoked several thoughts in my head. Does it mean you should actively push away someone you love to test if they would come back? Or, is it about not holding on to someone you love when they choose to go away?
Not everyone we love decides to stay in our lives forever. But even when they decide to leave, those who truly love us will find their way back. Letting go of someone you love is not only a sign of respect for people’s decisions but also an indication that you genuinely love them.
In this post, we will explore the implications of letting go of someone you love, and other key ideas surrounding the topic. But before then, let me share a short story about Sarah and Daniel to illustrate why the statement holds true.
The Story of Sarah and Daniel
Sarah and Daniel have known each other for about a year and have fallen in love with each other. In the first few weeks of meeting Daniel, Sarah wasn’t sure if she could accept Daniel into her heart, especially after a recent heartbreak from her ex, but this felt right for her. Not too long after, Daniel became the center of her world, and there was never a day without him in her thoughts.
About a year later, while she sat quietly in the park enjoying a cup of lemonade, a message notification chimed on her phone. Excitedly, she picked up her phone to see what the message could have been as she had applied for some jobs recently. Unexpectedly, it was a message from the love of her life, Daniel. As she read the short message, her heart broke into pieces; Daniel had said he needed space to “figure things out”.
Her heart sank deeper as she nervously twisted the strap of her bag. The lemonade suddenly turned bland as she thought of what to reply to make him stay. But then, she remembered a phrase her mother always told her: “If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, they are yours forever.” Though the saying sounded like a made-up cliché from a romance novel, something about it felt right.
Her fingers trembled as she reached for her phone. She hovered over Daniel’s number attempting to call him. Every part of her wanted to call him, but her mind whispered, “Let him go. If he is yours, he will come back to you”. She didn’t know her mother’s words would matter so much to her at a time she least expected.
Hours slowly rolled into days, and the days that followed were some of the hardest times of her life. Every notification she received on her phone made her heart skip a beat, hoping it was Daniel but it never was. Friends and acquaintances encouraged her to move on but she held on to hope — not for Daniel’s return but for when she would get rid of Daniel’s thoughts.
To speed things up a bit, she re-registered at the gym and picked up painting. These are things she’d always loved but had to put away because of the relationship. Gradually, she started feeling whole again and was satisfied with where her life was heading.
Six months later, while attending an art exhibit where one of her paintings was displayed, she stumbled across Daniel. “I’ve been looking for you”, he said. Daniel had been scouring every place they shared just to be able to meet her again, and when she found out from a friend that Sarah had become interested in art, he thought maybe he could find her at the exhibition.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you”, Daniel said in all sense of humility and brokenness. “I thought I needed space, but I realized I just needed to learn new things about us and to grow together. And throughout the time, I couldn’t stop thinking about you”.
Well! These were more like the kind of words she expected from someone he loved so much. For a moment, she felt joyful, happy, and satisfied but instead of rushing into his arms to pick up from where they stopped, Sarah paused for a moment knowing that her happiness no longer depended on Daniel’s return. She has discovered other aspects of her life.
Then she smiled and said, “I’m happy to see you, Daniel. But I’ve changed too, and I’m not quite sure if we still connect the same way we always did.”
What It Means to Let Someone You Love Go
Sarah’s story above reminds us that love isn’t always about holding on too firmly; it is about growth. When you let go of someone you love, you may lose them but you will find yourself. And if they come back again, it’s going to be on new terms and you can thoroughly decide if they deserve to stay in your life or not.
In addition to the above story, I read some accounts of people on online forums like Reddit and Quora where they shared their experiences about letting go of someone they loved, and it all points to one thing. Letting go of someone you love is about allowing them to leave if that’s what makes them happy without holding on too much in your heart. It’s about giving yourself the freedom to grow because, like Sarah, it makes you find ways to improve yourself and find your identity without them in your life.
Most of the opinions and experiences shared in those forums I browsed acknowledged how finding the courage to let go of someone you love helps you discover yourself and achieve growth.
Being clingy to someone you love both physically and emotionally does not demonstrate genuine love for them. Letting go when they want to can also help you re-evaluate your love for them, as well as discover other things about yourself. It does not mean you don’t love them anymore, or they don’t love you either, but it’s about accepting it if they need the time to be by themselves.
Sometimes that makes them realize what they truly want. They may eventually discover that though they love you, they don’t want you enough to be in their life, and that’s even better for you. You don’t want to be entangled with someone who does not feel deserving of being with you.
Why Would Someone You Love Leave Your Life?
No hard feelings, but there are several reasons why someone would leave your life even when they love you, or acknowledge your love for them. Some of these are related to how they feel toward you, while others are related to their inner struggles they want to find answers to.
1. Quest for personal growth
Sometimes, people leave us to find purpose, discover themselves, and redefine themselves. Personal growth and self-discovery are inner desires for self-satisfaction, and when they perceive that they are not getting it while in a relationship, they might ask to leave even when they love you.
2. Incompatible life goals
In addition to personal growth, love is not the only thing necessary for a relationship to work. Having diverging life goals is another reason why someone you love may choose to leave you. You may have tried to reconcile these differences but you realize that there is a part of you that no one can ever change.
3. Lack of emotional fulfilment
Finding emotional fulfillment is not always dependent on having a feeling of love for someone. This is about having one’s emotional needs met, and this includes feeling loved, understood, and valued. If a relationship does not boost their self-worth but rather lowers it, they might ask to leave even when they genuinely care about you.
4. Loss of feelings
Feelings change. Even someone who once loved you could change and later realize that they don’t feel so anymore. And if they are not committed to re-igniting the passion once again, they may ask to opt out ultimately.
5. Infidelity
Cheating on your partner is one reason why they would leave even when they love you. Infidelity can be heartbreaking to a faithful partner, which might make them unwilling to stay.
6. Fear of commitment
Fear of commitment refers to the feeling of unpreparedness and apprehension associated with a decision to settle down with one faithful partner. While this may be desirable to so many people, not everyone feels ready for such a responsibility.
7. Toxicity of abuse
If you are exhibiting signs of toxicity in the relationship, your partner may leave or openly tell you they are no longer interested. This is because toxic behaviors affect their physical, emotional, and psychological well-being, especially if they are persistent.
8. Family disapproval
Family disapproval is one of the most painful but possible reasons why people drift apart in a relationship. It is painful because none of the partners wants it to happen but their resistance is not enough.
Why You Should Let Go
Having seen that it is necessary to let go of someone even though you love them, we still acknowledge that it can feel impossible to do so. Not only does it help you discover yourself, but it also helps you heal faster from the heartbreak and disappointment that ensue.
Here are some important reasons why it is important to let off someone when necessary.
- It allows for personal growth (as illustrated in the story above).
- It shows the person how much you respect their freedom and decisions and makes them respect you going forward. True love isn’t possessive; it is allowing the people you love to live their best lives, even if it has to be without you in it.
- It helps you heal faster from the hurt and pain.
- It helps you gain clarity and perspective of what you want with your life.
- It opens new and better doors for you. When one door closes, another opens.
- It prevents unnecessary attachment. Holding on to someone will make them afraid of leaving you even if they are not happy. The result is often worse than if you allowed them to leave in the first place.
- It also gives them time to realize your value.
How To Let Go When It Feels Impossible
As powerful as letting go can be, it doesn’t always feel easy. Losing someone you love is not something anyone would want to imagine, but sometimes, it is necessary.
Here are some steps for letting go of someone you love even when it feels impossible.
1. Accept your feelings
Accepting your feelings helps you find closure early, which can help you heal faster. To let go of someone you love, you need to recognize that it is okay to feel heartbroken and pained but more importantly, realize that all these would go away after a while.
This is similar to handling a breakup with an ex. While someone you love can leave your life in different ways (could be through mutual agreement, distance, or parental disapproval), a breakup is just one of such ways. Letting go first involves accepting the pain but staying committed to finding ways to heal.
2. Focus on self-discovery
Focusing on yourself is one of the best ways to cope when someone you love leaves your life. This gives birth to self-discovery, personal development, and an improvement of your self-worth. Thus, while heartbreaks and disappointments can be terribly painful, they can potentially trigger you to become your best self; a blessing in disguise.
3. Create emotional distance
To quickly and fully heal from the pain of someone you love leaving you, create emotional distance. Avoid physical cues that remind you of them. Avoid checking their social media or re-reading their old texts when they were still with you. If it helps, removing objects that remind you of them might be necessary.
4. Redefine your future
The hallmark of letting go of someone you love when they choose to leave is redefining and discovering yourself. Letting go helps you find your hidden potential the person didn’t see, and this enables you to realize you need someone who values you and what you are.
To make it easier for you to let go, ask yourself what you can do and what you want your life to be. This is also the time to reflect on the kind of person you truly want and deserve in your life.
When you do these, you will find out that it’s a lot easier than you think. Focusing on yourself helps you forget them faster, while also catalyzing your personal growth and development.
Fun Facts About Letting Someone You Love Go
Here are some fun facts you need to know about letting go of someone you love.
- Letting go does not mean giving up on or hating them. It means focusing so much on yourself you don’t have to feel their absence anymore.
- Letting go of someone you love is a sign of genuine love and emotional maturity. You don’t always have to keep the ones you love forever but you are open enough to allow them to choose you themselves.
- When someone you love leaves your life, there is no guarantee they will return. The quote only emphasizes the importance of allowing people to make their choice even if it hurts you, and not necessarily having to plan your life to wait for their return.
- Letting go of someone you love is not a test of whether they are yours forever. It is a decision to focus on yourself and allow them to live their life in a way that makes them happy.
- Love isn’t possessive. It is a decision to allow someone you love the freedom to leave or stay in your life. It allows you the freedom to continue improving yourself and your capabilities too.
Final words
Letting go of someone you love is not easy but it is important for growth. Sometimes, they come back, and other times they don’t but even when they do, it should be on your own terms, and not because you couldn’t wait to have them back. Growth and development are the rewards for letting go, even when it feels hard to do so.
How have you let go of someone you loved before? Share your thoughts in the comments below, including some lessons you learned from the experience.
I fully appreciate the fact and explanation of letting go of someone you love in hope they will return.
There is also the converse of showing that person you love you are willing to fight for their love to sacrifice everything for their love … in the hope that your actions will convince and prove your unconditional love and respect. Many times a woman will test the man she loves by measuring his will to fight for her … this is an isolated one of many possibilities…
Very very true and beautiful contribution, Emmanuel.
All the possible ways on how to let go are excellent, I wish I knew about this earlier.
However they can be quite hard to follow if you’re madly in love with this person. Most times what people want to do is to stay and fight for their love instead of letting go….. because letting go can be quite difficult.
In addition, what can one do if this person keeps hanging around your life… demanding he just wants to be cool friends with you.
Thank you very much for your insightful comment, Favor. You have well said.
Here is what I have to say:
Letting go of someone you love is indeed a very hard thing to do can be very beneficial. Realistically, you necessarily don’t have to let go at the slightest opportunity, but letting go contrasts a situation where you are strongly bent on “fighting for your love” who is clearly not ready for the relationship, maybe not anymore.
On the second question, it is important to keep an emotional distance from such a person, at least, ‘until you have re-discovered yourself without them’. However, this depends on your personal ability to cope with having them around you. If you clearly can’t cope having them around, it will be better to keep them off your life, even if you have to do so politely.
I hope I made a good attempt to answer your questions. If not, feel free to specify what needs to be clarified, or more questions if you still have.
Thank you very much, dear Favor.
Wow… thank you very much for the clarifications, i appreciate 😊
Wow… thank you very much for the clarifications, i appreciate