How to Move On After a Breakup and Get Over Your Ex

Are you struggling to move on after a breakup or get over the memories of your ex? Or do you find it hard to forget the great things you shared?

You have heard stories of people who regained their happiness and joy after a while following a breakup but now it seems impossible to get over your ex. Don’t worry, you are not alone in that. Almost every one of us experiences this intense hurt and pain during a breakup, such that it feels practically impossible to move on and forget your ex.

I have had three heartbreaking experiences in my life. The first was during my second year as an undergraduate. The second was in my fourth year when the girl turned me down when I was wooing her and refused to communicate with me in any way. The third was my last ex with whom I ended things due to long distance.

The good thing about going through a breakup the right way is that not only will you fully heal from the experience, but you will also learn valuable lessons that will help you make wiser decisions later, as well as prevent a repeat heartbreak/breakup.

Why Breakups Are So Painful

Breakups are painful no matter what led to it, whether you want it or not, or whether it was you who initiated it or not. The reasons for these are not far-fetched.

When you are in a relationship with someone, you share a lot of yourself with him/her. This means that when there is a breakup between you, your mutual trust is also broken. You find it hard to believe that a breakup could occur in the relationship.

Sometimes, you don’t see it coming. To make it worse, memories of the good times you shared with the person intensify the pain, which is why you keep asking yourself the question “Why did he/she leave me when I thought we were meant for each other“.

Sometimes even when you can’t say you were in a defined relationship, it can still be very painful when you have invested your heart into making this person your boyfriend or girlfriend and they come back to reject you.

How To Move On After A Breakup

If moving on after a breakup feels very difficult, here are some tips to help you move on from the heartbreak. Moving on after a breakup is a natural process of healing. But the goal of these tips is to distract you from the pain and minimize the hurt or harm while the process occurs.

Here are some easy ways to move on after a breakup with your ex or someone you heavily invested your heart into.

1. Stop at your best in trying to get them back

While it is okay to do what you can to get back your ex after they break up with you, you should be careful not to do more than necessary. You may have called or texted him/her a couple of times without a reply from them. This is the time to quit trying to get them back, as that can make it hurt you more.

Instead of throwing off fifty missed calls, or dropping countless messages just to hear from the person who broke up with you, three or four calls/messages would do, and you should space them apart from each other.

If the person wants you back, they will return your call. And if he/she still has the slightest regard for your feelings, they will try to make it easier for you instead of ignoring you.

2. Give yourself a closure

The question of “Why did he/she leave me this way?” is one of the most painful triggers for hurt and pain following a breakup. You should avoid asking that question too frequently, or better provide the answer for yourself quickly.

A closure is that answer you are looking for so you can finally close up the chapter with your ex who broke up with you or whom you broke up with. Ironically, exes find it hard to give closure because hiding it makes them feel more powerful during the breakup.

However, you are not going to keep waiting for them to give you a reply which they never would. You should give yourself that closure.

A common closures you can give yourself include the following:

• He/she never deserved you.
• He/she does not love you enough to stay.
• It wasn’t meant to be.
• They had to leave because there was someone else better suited for them.

3. Get rid of things that remind you of him/her

You need as much distraction as possible when going through a breakup. One simple way is by getting rid of things that remind you of your ex. Take down pictures you took with him/her, keep away the gifts that remind you of the times you shared, and remove any digital memories that remind you of him/her.

If you cannot destroy those things, you might want to keep them away until you are fully healed from the breakup. Remember again that moving on after a breakup is supposedly a natural process of healing. But this will make you feel better and forget the pain while you gradually heal from the heartbreak.

4. Make out with old friends and make new ones too

When someone you love leaves your life, they leave a void in your life that can take time to fill, but you must make an effort to occupy the vacuum. By making new friends and hanging out with your old friends, you can gradually fill up the void your ex created until you are fully healed from the breakup.

It’s interesting how the mind easily forgets when it is occupied by something else. By making friends and hanging out with old ones, you trick your mind into replacing those memories with your ex with your new experiences with your new and old friends.

5. Avoid contacting him/her even when you have the urge

Don’t get impulsive in contacting your ex. It doesn’t mean you are going to be enemies afterward but you need enough space for the romantic aspect of the relationship to fade into normal friendship. For the time being, avoid contacting them in any way even when you have the urge to do so.

You might get tempted to try to contact them often either via calls or texts but I can assure you that may not go out well. When you try to contact someone who does not want to be with you, a point will come when they will eventually block you off totally. At this time, you will feel more pained than ever.

Instead of trying to contact them, speak with someone else to keep yourself busy and entertained.

6. Tell yourself that you deserve better

The truth is that what is meant for you will stay with you, and what has left your life was not meant to stay in the first place. You should recognize that you are an asset and a valuable gift to someone who deserves you. Only someone who does not know your worth would treat you carelessly, or leave you mercilessly.

When you eventually meet the right person for you, you will look back and thank your stars that all of this happened at this point.

7. Do what you love doing

Another way to get yourself occupied from the pain and hurt following a breakup is by doing the things you love doing. Go back to your hobbies and get yourself engaged in them. This can give you happiness and joy that can mask the pain from the breakup.

There is no better way to forget someone than getting creative with your skills, interests, and hobbies. Trust me, it works like magic.

8. Decide to improve yourself

Have you ever heard that singlehood is the best period of anyone’s life? You may not realize this until you have become single again after being in a relationship.

A relationship changes you and the way you react towards life. You factor your partner into your life and this can affect you in many ways, both negatively and positively. The major goal is to learn to create a healthy balance while meeting the physical and emotional needs of your partner.

However, when you are single, you don’t have anybody to worry about. It’s you and yourself alone. Thus, singlehood is an opportunity to improve yourself and build your independence without any distractions from anybody.

9. Change your environment

To give yourself the illusion of change, you might need to change your environment. Changing environment gives you the impression of having a fresh start, and can make you more mentally prepared to go through the pain that a breakup gives.

10. Don’t hate your ex

Keeping malice for your ex seems to make you feel powerful but in reality, it enslaves you to him/her even when they are not there. It also makes the memories of your ex linger longer in your heart when you should be working out ways to move and let go.

Instead of wasting your energy hating on your ex, keep a clear mind and adopt the above tips to move on permanently after the breakup.

Moving on after a breakup does not happen suddenly. It may take a while, but if you do the right things as discussed above, you can move on and heal permanently from the breakup as if you never experienced it.

Valuable Lessons You Can Learn From a Breakup

Some people try to jump too quickly into a new relationship either to make their ex jealous and pained or to mask the pain of heartbreak. However, going through a breakup by yourself without jumping into another relationship can make you more emotionally mature and stronger.

If you go through a breakup the right way, you will learn some valuable life lessons you would otherwise not have been able to learn. These include the following:

1. You learn to look out for signs before you give your heart out to someone.
2. You see the need to protect your heart and love.
3. You understand the importance of equal-sided love.
4. You understand that you can’t force anyone to be with you.
5. You learn the importance of self-respect.
6. You realize that saying “I love you” is not enough proof of love.
7. Nothing keeps a person who was meant to leave.
8. Until a seal is placed on the relationship, adjust your trust and energy based on their trust and energy too.
9. You realize the need to look for someone who is committed to building with you.
10. Preventing a repeat breakup is as easy as not falling in love with someone who does not love you as much as you love him/her.

Interesting Facts About Breakups

1. A breakup can lead to identity crises and personality changes: A harsh breakup can lead to an identity crisis where the victim begins to feel worthless about life and asks questions like “Who am I without him/her”. It has been shown that the more committed a person is, the more their likelihood to experience an identity crisis after a breakup.^[1]The Impact of Romantic Breakup on the Self-Concept – Sagepub Journal
2. Breakups teach us great lessons about love and marriage: After a breakup, you learn valuable lessons about love and what you want in a relationship and marriage. Breakups can make you develop faster emotionally than if you never had one.
3. Unlike women, men break up easily over sexual infidelity: Men break up more easily when their girlfriend cheats than women do when their men do the same. The exact reasons behind this behavior are not clear but it could be related to how men naturally desire to be freer than women in having affairs which to me, is quite unfair.^[2]Science-backed facts about breakups – Indiatimes
4. Women break up over emotional infidelity: Women are more likely to break up with a man if she feels like she is getting the emotional satisfaction she deserves but she finds that that man is giving good compliments and flirts with other women.^[3]Ibid – Indiatimes
5. Talking about your partner can help you move on faster.^[4]Ibid – Indiatimes
6. Men have a tougher time coping with a breakup than women.^[5]Ibid – Indiatimes.

Final Words

I think I have said all that needs to be said, at least, all that I can remember now, about moving on after a breakup. I hope this helps you go through the painful phase of your relationship.

But remember that a breakup is an important phase that can build you and shape how you see love and a romantic relationship. As you move on from your breakup, don’t forget to learn the valuable lessons that come with the process of healing.