Sometimes, it is hard to know exactly when a guy doesn’t want a relationship or when he does. Oftentimes, the best way to find out is to ask him what he wants with you. This is not also a straightforward thing to do, as you want to find the perfect moment to ask him if he wants a relationship or not. And while you prepare for this, there are some telltale signs you can look out for that will reveal when a guy does not want a relationship with you.
When you are genuinely interested in someone, you are often tempted to ignore important signs that will save you from a lot that may happen afterwards, but it is important to keep an open mind when looking at these signs that may point out when he is not interested in a relationship with you and to let you know what to expect.
I am a guy and I have had experiences of how a girl thought I wanted a relationship when in fact, I didn’t. Very recently, a beautiful girl I sometimes talk with told a friend of mine that she likes me so much. So she came to visit me one day and I was not expecting to see her but as usual, I entertained her as a guest. I quickly perceived that she wanted a relationship with me, so I didn’t hesitate to ask her via WhatsApp about her intentions. As the conversation continued, I was shocked when she told me that my friend told her that I liked her too.
Again, when you like someone, you make meaning from things that don’t exist. In this post, I will honestly share some objective signs to know if a guy is not interested in a relationship with you, or if he is.
Signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you
1. He has not told you he likes you
The first thing a guy does when he is interested in a relationship is telling you how he feels about you. He becomes your friend and starts up conversations in a bid to get to understand you better. Along the way, he chips relationships into the discussions.
If he has not told you that he likes you, has not mentioned a relationship in your conversations, or you don’t see him trying to make efforts to do so, he does not want a relationship with you. As a matter of fact, he sees you as just a friend or sister.
To confirm this, stop talking/chatting with him for a while to see his reaction. Better still, go ahead to ask him directly if he is interested in a relationship or not.
2. He doesn’t make effort to reach out
As a continuation of the point above, you want to know how much he misses you when he has not heard from you. It is possible that he has not had the opportunity to let the cat out of the bag, but staying away from his DM for a while can help you know if a guy is not interested in a relationship.
After a while of being away, he would reach out to you to make you know that he has never forgotten about you. The converse is also true; if he doesn’t want a relationship with you, you might never hear from him again for a long time.
3. He doesn’t introduce you to his inner circle
One special thing you can notice about a guy is that he hardly hides his feelings when he is interested in a girl. Even if you just met recently, he will warmly introduce you to his inner circle of friends whenever the opportunity presents itself.
The gesture of introducing you to his friends and family is a sign that he plans to make you a part of his life. He wants you to meet the people that matter to him, and he also wants you to get to know them too. A guy may be naturally shy but this is an issue any guy who wants a relationship with you will not play about.
The opposite is true if a guy doesn’t want a relationship with you. Once you discover this, you can stay away for a while as I talked about earlier, or politely ask him about his intentions for you.
4. He is easily distracted even when you are around
When a guy likes you, he makes you the centre of his life. Everything begins to revolve around you, and this is quite unfortunate for obvious reasons. Most of his actions and thoughts begin to centre around how to make you happy, and I’m pretty sure you’d like to experience that.
On the other hand, when a guy is not interested in anything serious with you, he forgets you easily. He is also easily distracted even when you are around him.
You can notice this distraction from the way he focuses his attention on other ladies passing by, because to him, he is still searching for someone he can be interested in and that is obviously not you.
5. He often speaks against commitment
Have you ever tried to raise a discussion about commitment with your boyfriend? One of two responses is expected; he could emphasize the importance of commitment and blame guys who are not committed to their girlfriends, or he would support non-commitment.
When you hear a guy say it is wrong to be committed to one girl, he is indirectly telling you that he is still ready to test the waters. The implication is even worse if he has something going on with you and he says it to your face. If you hear this several times, you may need to reconsider your stance on the relationship.
6. He prefers hanging out with you only at night
One way to know that a guy is not interested in a serious relationship with you is that he prefers to hang out with you only at night. He does not feel comfortable with you during the daylight when everyone can see him with you. This is typical of a guy who simply wants to be “friends with benefits”.
7. He admires you but he seems distant when you are together
One clear sign that a guy is not fully resolved on entering a committed relationship with you is how he seems to show more affection over the phone or chat than when you actually meet in real life. These two things should ideally go together. A guy that is very much interested in a relationship with you will show his affection both online and offline.
Sometimes, when he is away from you by some distance, you can feel how much he wants to get close to you. But when something brings you closer to each other, he suddenly begins to feel dull around him. This is a very clear sign that he has not fully decided to get into something serious with you, even if he seems to like you.
8. He doesn’t put effort into knowing you more personally
By default, when a guy is truly interested in you, they start by making efforts to know you more personally. He learns about your preferences, hobbies, your likes and dislikes, and other personal information about you. He does this because he wants to make you a part of his life, and for this to be possible, he needs to understand who you are and how to relate well with you.
Except if you are blinded by your affection towards him, you should be able to easily notice when a guy is not putting the required effort into trying to know you more personally.
9. You have been long-time friends without anything to show for it
If you have ever been with a guy you like and he has never made any efforts towards being more romantic with you or to advance the course of your relationship with each other, he simply just prefers to be your friend with no other strings attached. Guys can be pretty much undecided sometimes but not to the extent of not knowing what to do after many months or years.
Of course, a guy can fall in love with you at any time, sometimes, even when you least expected it. But to save yourself the work in futility, it is great to understand that a guy who is interested in you will not stay friends with you for so long without making effort to be special in your life.
10. He does not have “the future talk” with you
It is practically impossible to be with a guy who likes to be in a relationship with you and doesn’t have talks about the future with you. You too would do the same if you are interested in him.
Having the future talks have to do with engaging in discussions about what your future plans are, your dream job, the number of children you plan to have, wedding ideas, and basically all those stuff that relates to your personal life and family in the future. These are inevitable questions when a guy wants a relationship with you, and if you have never heard him ask any of these questions since you have known each other, he may genuinely not be interested in you.
11. He always does not approve of your behaviour
When they say love is blind, this is one way to know. When you love someone, you automatically adapt to everything they do or say. Your affection and desire to keep them in your life supersede your willingness to drive them away.
By extrapolation, when a guy does not want a relationship with you, he often always disapproves of your behaviour, in which case you can easily tell that he likes you but he is not interested in keeping you in his life just the way you are. He wants a different version of you because not everything about you appeals to him.
12. He is ashamed of you
No matter how unattractive someone might be, there is always someone they are or would be attractive to. Even more strongly, a guy who is interested in having you in his life will never show that he is ashamed of you in the public. He feels proud of you and admires you in everything you do. Thus, whenever you observe that he acts shamefully when you are with him in the public, this should signal to you that he is not ready for a relationship with you.
13. He hates to hear you ask him for money or gifts
Also by default, giving is one important sign of love. People naturally give to the person they love, and guys are no exemption. Whenever a guy makes it clear to you that he cannot give you a gift or money, just know that you are not special enough to deserve those in his life.
He may not have had any special person in his life at that time, but if at all there is anyone worthy of asking him for gifts and he would do it, you are definitely not that person.
14. He does not care about your relationship status
One of the commonest questions guys ask a girl they are interested in you “are you in a relationship?”. Oftentimes, he would not ask this question from the beginning of the relationship but as time progresses, and based on your reactions towards his advances, he would ask if you have a boyfriend.
If after several months, he has never asked if you have a boyfriend, he does not want a relationship with you. How do you want to prove to me that a guy who wants a relationship would not ask if you are free or not? It doesn’t matter what you want but him not showing interest in your relationship means he wants you to stay off his relationship affairs as well, but he doesn’t mind enjoying the time he has with you.
15. He doesn’t impact your life significantly
People tend to give more value to things or people that matter to them, or that bring them some sort of joy, happiness, or material gain. When a guy loves you and sees a future with you, making you happy and fulfilled becomes his ultimate priority. He wants to go the extra mile just to ensure that you are better than the way you were before you met him.
These investments and impacts can be in the form of advice, support, assistance, and so on. At the end of the day, you can feel that he has impacted your life significantly since you met. If you have otherwise not experienced this, he may not want a relationship with you.
16. He does not have the time to spend with you
As every one of us would one day find out, time is one of the most important commodities in the world. We only give it to things or people that matter most to us. Time is a resource no one can afford to waste on important people or activities, hence we choose our priorities very wisely.
When a guy does not have time to spend with you even when you ask, he clearly does not want a relationship with you. Otherwise, he would never hesitate to spend adequate time with you.
17. He disappoints you frequently and is full of cover-up excuses
If a guy frequently disappoints you when you invite him to an important event, no one else should tell you that he is not interested in a relationship with you before you know it. As a matter of fact, a guy that wants a relationship with you would keep track of events and activities that matter to you and would do everything not to disappoint you.
Another descriptive phrase to describe this attitude is “missing in action” (MIA). This means he would disappear or disappoint you when you need him the most. However is the case, no one who values you in their heart acts carelessly about you.
18. He is sexually available but not emotionally available
When a guy lingers so long with you but still does not want a committed relationship with you, he wants something else until proven otherwise. Most guys go for the things they want and retreat when there is nothing else in stock for them.
Being sexually available is different from being emotionally available. Sexual availability means he is ready to satisfy your sexual needs and curiosity, while emotional availability means he is willing to understand your feelings, and patiently listen to you and your concerns.
If you observe that he is readily available to engage in sexual activities with you but is not emotionally available to you, it points to the fact that he does not want a relationship with you.
19. He acts carelessly around you
No one wants to lose what they want for what they don’t want. A guy who likes you would act more carefully around you when he knows that certain actions from him can compromise your relationship with you. Especially if another girl is by his corner, he would act in a way that makes you know that he is being careful never to make you have ideas that can affect the integrity of your relationship with him.
20. He doesn’t stop you from seeing other guys
Jealousy, in the right dose, is normal for every relationship. Anything below or above the normal dose becomes a problem. If he never gets jealous of you, he is definitely not so much interested.
No guy in his right senses will allow a girl he is in love with to see other guys, irrespective of how uncommitted he is in the relationship. This will be an explicit “no” if you tell him about your plans to see another guy who likes her and he does not make any efforts to dissuade you from the act.
What if he wants me around but doesn’t want a relationship?
What if he wants you around him but he doesn’t want to commit to the relationship? Sometimes, guys are not fully decided on what they want. He could be interested in you but might just want to take his time to get to know you better.
Another reason why he might want you around but not make effort to show that he wants a relationship with you is if he doesn’t actually see a relationship with you. He likes you as a friend but nothing more. One challenge with this is that we easily dismiss this type of feeling as “she is not my type”, but these can occasionally progress into an actual relationship.
Anything is possible, and there are possibilities that a guy who wants you around him would get decided on keeping you in his life someday. But should you wait till then, while he enjoys you and your company without committing to a relationship?
Should I cut him off?
Just because a guy is not ready for a relationship is not enough reason to cut him off completely. There are other important criteria you want to look out for. If you feel like he is careless with your feelings, lies to you, and generally does not seem to have your best interests at heart, these are enough reasons to cut ties with him completely.
It is often a good idea to cut off people from your life if you feel like their presence is negatively affecting your well-being or your ability to pursue your goals. However, if a guy is nice to you and treats you well but you know quite well that the only reason why he is not ready for a relationship with you is that he is not ready for a relationship at this time, it will not be a great idea to cut him off completely.
Before you cut off a guy who is not ready for a relationship with you, you might need to answer a few questions.
- Will I find it very hard to cut him off without discussing it with him first?
- Can I have a fulfilling relationship with someone else when he is still around me?
- Can I discuss with him his intentions before cutting him off?
It is important to note that it is commonplace to have romantic interests in a guy who is not ready for a relationship with you. You also have people who like to have a relationship with you but whom you don’t seriously like. It is therefore best to treat a guy who doesn’t like a relationship with you the same way you would like to be treated if it were you.
Final words
Sometimes, it can be hard to know exactly when a guy is ready for a relationship with you or not. However, the signs above can help you figure out when a guy doesn’t want a relationship.
Asides from this constellation of signs, you might also want to ask why a guy would prefer to keep you close but not get committed to a relationship with you. This might prompt you to want to cut him off completely from your life, but this article helps you explore all the answers to these dilemmas concerning a guy who is not ready for a relationship with you.
