6 Reasons One Woman is Not Enough For a Man

Do you believe that one woman is not enough for a man? Some have argued that humans are naturally polygamous but only socially monogamous for the sake of order. Some have also argued that humans are neither polygamous nor monogamous by nature; and that this behavior is determined by nurture, not nature.

Whichever side of the divide you are, we all want to see reasons why society makes it look like one woman is not enough for a man. Could it be true that one woman is not enough? And if true, should men be allowed to satisfy their desire for multiple women?

Are Human Societies Naturally Polygamous?

As I think about this topic, those are important questions I see myself asking. But then, I saw that approximately 85% of pre-industrialized societies held women to a socially and sexually monogamous arrangement, whereas men were permitted to have multiple wives (polygyny), reasons related to fecundity, guarantee of paternity, and prevention of social chaos if women were also allowed to openly have multiple men (polyandry).^[1]Monogamy and Nonmonogamy: Evolutionary Considerations and Treatment Challenges – ScienceDirect^[2]Is Monogamy Unnatural? | Institute for Family Studies

The evolutionary psychologist, David Barash, has explained in terms of fecundity that polygyny ensures that men, who often have a higher reproductive capacity, can more easily verify their biological children if women are monogamous, thus guaranteeing paternity.

Also, humans belong to a dimorphic sexual species, with men achieving puberty later than women. In such dimorphic species, males are usually more violent and competitive than females, and this delay in puberty in men ensures that they do not begin competing for mates before they are big or strong enough.^[3]Is Monogamy Unnatural? | Institute for Family Studies

As David tried to explain in these studies, allowing women to have multiple men (polyandry) while men are monogamous will increase men’s competitiveness, violence, and social disorder.

However, even in polygamous cultures, most men remain socially monogamous because relatively few males demonstrate enough power and resources to maintain multiple wives. Another reason is that many societies do not maintain the abundance of females required to enable individual males to have multiple wives.^[4]Polygamy – an overview | ScienceDirect Topics

Whichever line we are speaking for, David has again stated that monogamy encourages joint parenting, ensures relatively equal distribution of mates, and may also better serve the interests, reproductive and otherwise, of women.^[5]Is Monogamy Unnatural? | Institute for Family Studies

Thus, we could say that in some ways, women are more comfortable with monogamy. But from what we see, men globally may seem to be struggling with a decision to stay monogamous or fulfill their polygamous desires. And you may want to ask “Why is it so?”

Reasons One Woman is Not Enough For Some Men

By inference from the previous section, not all men prefer polygamy. Some men would naturally prefer monogamy, either due to the reasons highlighted above or for other reasons related to personal responsibility and faith. However, men who seriously desire to have or be with more than women also have their reasons.

In this section, we will explore some reasons why one woman is not enough for such men.

1. A desire for variety

Different authors have maintained two opposing sides regarding evolutionary theories of human mating. While some propose that both sexes are evolutionarily designed to pursue a singular long-term mating strategy, others contend that both sexes are designed to function essentially as multiple maters.

However, in contrast, the Sexual Strategy Theory (SST) proposes that men and women have evolved different short-term and long-term mating strategies, particularly the short-term desire for sexual variety. Along this line, a study done by David Schmitt, et al., found that men generally have a stronger desire for multiple sexual partners compared to women.^[6]The desire for sexual variety as a key to understanding basic human mating strategies – SCHMITT – 2001 – Wiley Online Library

Consequently, we see that women tend to prioritize long-term partnerships and emotional connections with one partner compared to men. A plausible reason for this offered by David Barash above is that this may better serve the interests and innate satisfaction of women, compared to men.^[7]Is Monogamy Unnatural? | Institute for Family Studies

A totally different study also showed that men seem to have a greater appeal for beauty and attractiveness. ‘Fortunately’, nature readily serves a variety of beauty packages on men’s tables. With an abounding number of women in all shades of beauty and striking parts that men consider attractive, men may feel like one woman is not enough.

2. Urge for more satisfaction

In the case of men, one woman on Quora candidly expressed her opinion that men have a higher need for intimacy. Stating that society expects men to be strong at a very young age, and are soon cut off from physical expressions of emotions and affections. According to her, this might mean they need more to get the desired intimacy in their life.

Also, data on spontaneous sexual arousal and desire reveal one way in which men might have a higher sex drive than women. Up to 91% of the men and over 52% of women in the study experienced sexual desire several times a week. While this could be related to higher testosterone in men, it might also be explained in terms of men’s greater need for intimacy discussed above.^[8]Is There a Gender Difference in Strength of Sex Drive? – PSPR

If intimacy and sexual drive are important needs, one man may ask, “Can I get these basic needs met with only one woman?” Thus, this could be one reason why one woman is not enough for some men.

3. Beliefs in polygamy

Certain cultures support a man to have more than one wife as long as he can care for them. This was highlighted by David Barash above stating that polygamous cultures allow men to have multiple wives if they have enough power and resources to maintain them.^[9]Polygamy – an overview | ScienceDirect Topics This is especially true in parts of West Africa and Central Africa collectively known as the “polygamy belt” (areas with the highest prevalence of polygamy) including Burkina Faso, Mali, Gambia, Niger, and Nigeria.^[10]Polygamy – Wikipedia

As earlier stated, not all men in the polygamy belt are polygamous. Some men still preferentially settle down with one woman for several reasons, including upbringing and religion. However, a man who accepts the culture of polygamy would definitely consider that one woman will not be enough for him in his life.

4. Infertility or no-male childbirth

Many cultures and societies have high expectations of childbearing within a few years of marriage. I have seen that within these cultures, some families may mount pressure on their men and women to bear children when there is difficulty achieving conception.

Some families may also have a serious need for a male child when the couple starts bearing children. Some of their reasons for this are based on the idea that a male child is necessary for the continuity of the family name as girl-children usually change their surname after marriage.

For example, in Pakistan, in-law family pressure has been shown to make wives allow their husbands to marry a second wife to prevent divorce.^[11]CAUSES AND CONSEQUENCES OF POLYGAMY: AN UNDERSTANDING OF COPING STRATEGIES BY CO-WIVES IN POLYGAMOUS MARRIAGE – (ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry)

Thus, infertility or lack of male children in cultures where they matter so much are some reasons why some men would need a second wife or more.

5. Unhappiness with the first woman

Most people naturally expect happiness and peace of mind from marriage, thus marrying someone problematic is considered “marrying wrongly” and this can be a reason why one woman will not be enough for that man. He would prefer to look for another woman outside than stay at home with a toxic woman. And if he cannot divorce or let her go for any reason, he might leverage that into marrying another woman.

Another thing that can make a man think he has ‘married wrongly’ is if he begins to think that his wife is not the kind of woman he thought he’d marry. This is usually in terms of beauty and attractiveness. Some men have talked about reasons like this, and instead of putting the first woman away, they’d prefer to go out in search of their perfect spec until they find her.

Advantages and Disadvantages of Having More Than One Woman

If you are a man and you are wondering why one woman doesn’t seem not enough for you, one or more of the above reasons may explain your situation. However, considering those reasons, it will also be important to look into the pros and cons of having more than one woman as a man.

This section will explore the advantages and disadvantages of having more than one woman, with an emphasis on helping you make a more informed decision if you have not already made one.

Advantages of Having More Than One Woman

• More adults share the financial burden of the household.
• More people to share household tasks.
• Ample availability of people for emotional support, co-parenting by all adults, and more age-mate children for socialization.
• It can help address infertility issues or in cases of inability to have male children.
• It can create a safety net for widows in the case of the loss of the husband.
• It can help in channeling the sexual needs of a husband who may not be able to have those needs met by his first wife alone.
• Lastly, having another wife has been shown to be a means of preventing divorce in cases of infertility or lack of male offspring.

Disadvantages of Having More Than One Woman

• It can put a financial strain on the man and family.
• Too large a family can lead to family dysfunction and social disorder among children.
• It can affect women’s mental health predisposing them to loneliness, depression, and psychiatric disorders.
• It can also affect the man mentally as he has more people to worry about.
• Children may have educational and psychological issues.
• There is also an increased risk of psychological issues to the man.
• It can lead to enmity among the wives and children.
• Nearly without exception, a study found that husbands who married more than one woman desisted from suggesting or outrightly discouraging their children from practicing polygamy like they did, having seen the outcomes.^[12]Alean Al-Krenawi, Psychosocial Impact of Polygamy in the Middle East (Beer-Sheva, Israel: Ben Gurion University of the Negev, 2014)

Benefits of Monogamy

Below are some of the benefits of being with one woman as a man.

1. Monogamy keeps a man’s energy and attention focused

Observation has shown that men are generally not very good at managing multiple wives. While some men may have demonstrated exceptional leadership in managing multiple wives and an extended polygamous family.

A man’s focus decreases with more wives and children and this was pointed out in Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá’s “Sex at Dawn” that paternal investment in their children and family decreases in promiscuous animal species. This lack of emotional and energy focus will result in feelings of deprivation and absence which can result in unhappiness among the wives and social problems in the children.

2. It makes a man more determined to succeed

In line with the idea of paternal investment, monogamy encourages a man to be more determined to succeed and give adequate care to his wife and children. The contentment with one woman comes with the psychological effect of keeping a man determined to succeed. In contrast, polygamous men may relegate a major part of the responsibility of childcare to the respective mothers.

3. Raising responsible children

Most of the benefits of monogamy are tied to the privilege of paternal investment, responsibility, and joint parenting. These allow parents to raise children in the most responsible way possible.

Also, polygyny (polygamy) can affect the psychological well-being of the man, the wives, and the children which can predispose them to developing negative social habits, lifestyle, and behavior, including academic and peer-pressure-related problems.

4. Enhanced cooperation in the family

Once again, with better parental investment and focused paternal attention, there is more unity in the family which can bring about enhanced cooperation. Every member of the family sees themselves as part of the team and is more likely to cooperate to achieve their common goals. There is no better way to achieve efficiency, productivity, growth, and progress in a family than by building a culture of unity and cooperation through monogamy.

5. Stronger bond and love in the family

With more attention, cooperation, and unity, there is a stronger bond/love in the family. This can enhance the mental health of family members, as well as children’s academic development and sense of self-esteem.

How to Be Satisfied With One Woman

Being satisfied with one woman and embracing monogamy is not such a difficult thing. You just need to make up your mind and commit yourself to finding the only woman you’d ever need in your life.

If you have seen the benefits of sticking with one woman and you want to remain monogamous, the following tips would be helpful. These would also help you stay focused on your wife without becoming promiscuous.

Here are some tips to be satisfied with one woman.

1. Marry your dream woman and accept your wife as your dream woman.
2. Take the firm resolve to stick to her at all times.
3. Reinforce that commitment by always telling her she is the only one you want to be with.
4. Discuss your emotional challenges with her if you can’t hold it to yourself.
5. Intentionally ‘rate’ her over other women out there.
6. Make her feel special always. This will make her love you more, which will create a continuous cycle of love for each other.
7. Think about the problems and challenges that could arise if you mistakenly decided to have multiple women.
8. Be with people that uphold monogamy, and
9. Always reflect on your firm beliefs in monogamy.