Why Men Cheat: 6 Reasons and How to Prevent It

About 4% of married men and 2% of married women had admitted to cheating within one given year, according to a study. Studies over a longer duration, for example, over the length of a marriage, showed that about 25% of men and 10-15% of women reported having had an affair extra-maritally.^[1]Infidelity in the United States Among Married Couples: A Fact Sheet – Healthy Marriage Info While some media reports that infidelity rates are equal in both men and women, the above statistics verify that men are two times more likely to cheat than women. However, understanding why men cheat or do so more than women, might be what makes the difference between these infidelity rates. A study explored Americans’ attitudes towards extramarital sex in 2000 using the responses “always wrong” and “wrong only sometimes”. Again, this study highlighted that men were less likely to report that extramarital sex was “always wrong”. This difference in gender attitude could contribute to why men cheat more in relationships.^[2]Extramarital sex Partners Likely to Be Close Friends, and Men Are More Apt to Cheat – Colorado Arts and Sciences Magazine In addition to a more permissive attitude towards extramarital sex, there are several other reasons why men cheat, many of which are highly preventable. Maintaining a healthy relationship and understanding the specific needs of your partner can help prevent extramarital. Relationship satisfaction contributes to infidelity, and infidelity in turn impacts relationship satisfaction. As a woman, understanding the reasons why your man could cheat can enable you to take proactive actions to balance your relationship dynamics and promote faithfulness in your marriage.^[3]Ibid. Extramarital sex Partners Likely to Be Close Friends, and Men Are More Apt to Cheat – Colorado Arts and Sciences Magazine

Why Men Cheat in Relationships

Among the reasons why men cheat in relationships, sexual satisfaction, and psychological fulfillment rank as some of the commonest reasons. Here, we see the various reasons why men cheat in dating or marital relationships.

1. Lack of sexual fulfilment

Society might expect men to be strong at a very young age, resulting in unintentional deprivation of physical expressions of affection. This might make men want more women to satisfy their sexual needs in later life.^[4]6 Reasons One Woman is Not Enough For a Man – Knowseeker Whether or not this desire seems genuine or not is outside the scope of this article, however, lack of sexual fulfillment is one reason why men cheat. Sexual fulfillment in men is influenced by a variety of factors. The bedroom activity is important but other non-bedroom-related factors contribute to a man’s sexual fulfilment. These include physical affection, emotional connection, respect, and peace of mind in the relationship, amongst others. A lack of sexual fulfillment and relationship satisfaction is one reason why men cheat. It is also important to understand your man’s sexual needs and be willing to openly discuss your sexual needs to have better sexual experiences and satisfaction.

2. Lack of psychological fulfillment

Men are psychologically wired to have hero instincts which make them want to feel needed, respected, and appreciated. The lack of this psychological need is one important reason why men cheat in relationships. Men instinctively want to be with women who make them feel “manly” or needed. Every man wants to be respected in the relationship. Being disrespected can make a man leave his wife, turn to alcohol and drugs to find some happiness, or cheat on his wife. Understanding the hero instinct can help you know how to make your man psychologically fulfilled in the relationship. Learn more about the hero instincts and how you can trigger your man’s hero instincts.

3. Lack of commitment

Studies have shown that how committed a partner is can play an important role in their faithfulness in the relationship. The more committed a man is, the less likely he is to cheat.^[5]Partner commitment moderates the association between commitment and interest in romantic alternatives – Current Psychology | Springer You can know a man’s commitment in the relationship in how he invests into the relationship. A committed partner invests physical, emotional, and financial resources into the relationship, but a non-committed partner looks for a romantic alternative at any slight challenge in the relationship. Several factors can make men marry a woman they do not have a deep emotional attachment to. This includes societal pressures, cultural expectations, convenience, fear of loneliness, or unwanted pregnancy. Also, commitment has been shown to decline over time in marriages. These are linked to an increased likelihood for one or both partners to cheat, and chances of relationship dissatisfaction or divorce.^[6]Commitment and the Long-Term Marriage Relationship – Journal of Marriage and Family, JSTOR

4. Boredom or loss of excitement

Loss of excitement in a relationship is another reason why men cheat in their marriages or relationships. Without getting innovative in your relationship or marriage, the spark of romance can gradually die down. This is why there is a need to spice up your relationship from time to time. Some men claim that having a fling is a way of spicing up their marriage without ending the relationship with their partner, reflecting how they no longer feel romantic sparks for their partner. While this may not be a justifiable reason to cheat, we see it happen in society.

5. Revenge cheating

Some men cheat on their wives when they find out that she has cheated on them before, or they were more sexually active than them before they got married. Some men might feel a need to restore their self-esteem if they perceive their wife’s sexual past as being more experienced.^[7]Virginia, et al. 2020. An Investigation of the Factors Contributing to Infidelity Among Married Couples in Selected Mainstream Churches in Kikuyu Constituency, Kiambu County, Kenya. Journal of … Continue reading In addition to revenge against a promiscuous past sexual history of their wives, some men may feel entitled to cheat on their partners if the wife cheated first, whether intentionally or unintentionally. This is another common reason why men cheat in their relationships.^[8]Camp, Taylor. (2016). Infidelity Beliefs and Behaviours: A Broad Examination of Cheating in Romantic Relationships (Bachelor’s thesis, University of Arizona, Tucson, USA).

6. Proving themselves

The desire for a man to prove that they still “have it” or satisfy their ego is another reason some men cheat. Women also participated in infidelity for similar reasons where they identified with men of higher status than their spouses to prove themselves. For men, on the other hand, the satisfaction comes from being able to ‘subdue’ women to sex at will.^[9]Ibid. Virginia, et al. 2020 This may go hand-in-hand with changes in their partner’s body that make it increasingly more difficult for a man to sexually express himself. Frequently, we hear stories of middle-aged men having affairs with women the age of their daughters as a way to prove that they still “have it”. A man may cast blame on his wife for “letting go of herself” after marriage as the primary reason for seeking out extramarital affairs.^[10]Dealing with Infidelity in a Relationship – Relate Foundation

Other Causes/Risk Factors for Infidelity

Most of the reasons why men cheat may also be implicated in women as well. As long we are humans with emotions, our actions might be influenced similarly. Here, we will explore some causes or risk factors why people, including men, cheat.

• Addiction: Substance or alcohol abuse can increase one’s inclination to cheat as these substances can reduce inhibitions and predispose someone to have an affair even when they never planned for it to happen.
• Sex addiction: Different from substance addiction, someone who has a sex addiction can increase the possibility of a partner cheating in their relationship in hopes of seeking sexual gratification elsewhere.
• Attachment styles: The ways we interact and behave in a relationship can contribute to infidelity. Attachment styles such as avoidance(conflict avoidance), and attachment insecurity can contribute to the likelihood of cheating. Poor self-esteem and personal insecurities can also increase the risk of cheating as the cheat would view it as a way to prove their worth in the relationship.
• Childhood traumas: People who have experienced childhood physical, sexual, or emotional trauma are at significant risk of cheating on their partners because of the long-term psychological and emotional effects of trauma on their attachment style, self-esteem, and emotional regulation.
• Mental illnesses: The presence of mental illnesses in the form of depression and bipolar disorder can result in unfaithfulness in marriage.
• History of cheating: The saying, “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” has some truth in it. While people can genuinely change permanently, there is a chance of repeating the trend in the relationship or subsequent ones.
• Psychological contributors: Personality disorders such as narcissistic traits come with an increased chance of infidelity. A narcissistic partner may be driven by his/her ego and belief in entitlement to cheat without considering the impact of their actions on you. Revenge cheating has also been shown to be commoner among narcissistic partners.
• Internal relationship issues: Inherent factors in the relationship can increase a partner or both partners’ chances of cheating in that relationship. These include domestic violence/emotional abuse, emotional or physical disconnect, financial problems, poor communication, lack of mutual respect, and poor compatibility.
• Opportunity: Having a busy work or social life can make it easier for your partner to find the opportunity to have an affair. It can also provide you an opportunity to cheat since you might be able to provide a valid reason for being absent for quite a long period.
• Pornography: The introduction of the internet and pornography also has a role in infidelity in relationships.

How to Prevent Cheating in a Relationship

No matter how we try to paint it, infidelity comes at a cost. It can make a man spend more money, it can lead to problems at work or blackmail if you are a person of authority, loss of interest in your partner, and eventually divorce or separation with its attendant consequences on the family. Having seen that, it becomes important to avoid any incident of infidelity while in a committed relationship with your partner. In this section, we will explore helpful ways to prevent/avoid cheating in your relationship.

1. Marry right

If you are not yet married, marrying who you love and being clear about that decision is one great way to deal with your chances of cheating in your future relationship. Even though the idea of a perfect relationship/marriage that would shield you from infidelity is no longer true, being with a person who has compatible character, values, or ideology can greatly determine your relationship satisfaction, reducing chances of cheating.

2. Prioritize good communication

Good and effective communication is one of the best ways to avoid cheating or cheating on your partner. Be open to communicating your sexual needs with your partner and listen to theirs too. Many partners have been reported to cheat in their relationship because their partner does not satisfy them well enough. Good communication can also involve discussing your sexual challenges with your partner. Having an environment welcoming enough to accommodate your insecurities and temptations can help both partners deal with infidelity in their relationship.

3. Anchor your beliefs

Peer influence and other societal factors can make one let down their guard as it concerns infidelity. You might not be an ardent supporter of cheating on one’s partner but these influences can change your perspective if you do not hold firmly to your beliefs. A great way to anchor your beliefs against infidelity is by clearly highlighting the reasons why you detest cheating on your partner. Infidelity brings relationship dissatisfaction, breakups and divorce, emotional problems, depression, risk of contracting STIs, and so on. These are possible reasons why you should not yield to infidelity.

4. Stay committed

We have seen that commitment can change during any relationship. This can be affected by several factors like bodily changes, and behavioral changes, as well as increasing access to opportunities to cheat. Staying faithful to your partner also requires you to remind yourself of the love you have for yourselves in the relationship.

5. Learn to avoid/overcome temptations

There will always be temptations to cheat on your partner but learning to avoid and overcome is what defines the level of your commitment to your partner. Most of these cues begin with what you see, which means you can overcome or avoid most of these temptations simply by controlling what you see. Sometimes, you can’t control what your eyes see but this is where the next important steps come in. You don’t have to keep looking at something or someone that tempts you to cheat on your partner. Thirdly, you can replace thoughts of sex with someone else with thoughts about your partner. These are mind-controlling practices that can help you overcome sexual temptations. If you are having sexual issues or lack of sexual satisfaction in your relationship, discuss your sexual needs with your partner so that you can easily go to them when you need sex.

6. Avoid alcohol and drugs

Having discussed that alcohol and drugs can depress one’s inhibition, it is logical how avoiding these substances can help you prevent cheating on your partner. Avoiding alcohol and related substances can keep you aware of your decisions regarding cheating on your partner in your relationship or marriage.

How to Deal With a Partner Who Cheated

If you want to understand why men cheat because your man recently cheated on you, here is how you can deal with the situation moving forward.

1. Process your emotions

Saving a marriage after infidelity isn’t always easy because of how emotions may get involved. Having your partner cheat on you in a relationship feels similar to or worse than a breakup; it is indeed a heartbreaking experience. However, depending on the relationship or marriage, an act of infidelity by a partner forces the couple to finally face the problems they have been aware of but failed to address. While there will never be an excuse for cheating, several reasons can be behind why a man or woman cheats in a relationship. To maintain your sanity and to know what steps lie ahead, you need to find ways to process your emotions. Talking to a relationship therapist might make you feel better and think more clearly.

2. Identify the reasons

Having cleared your head a bit, explore some possible reasons why your partner cheated on you. Some of the reasons why men cheat are discussed above. Other general reasons may apply to anyone as well. It is not so easy to reasons behind infidelity. This is why most relationships come to an end when an affair comes to light. Some people view infidelity as an exit strategy as if to say they are no longer interested. However, others may have succumbed to situations beyond their control and might regret their actions afterward. Understanding the reasons can give you an idea of how to save the relationship and restore the love and harmony you once shared. If a relationship is truly strong, rebuilding trust after an affair is possible.

3. Have a discussion

Even when you have been able to come up with some plausible reasons why they cheated, the role of having an open discussion with your partner cannot be over-emphasized. It helps you speak your mind, clear your head, and express your emotions to let off some steam. Discuss with your cheating partner why they cheated and what could have been done better. This emphasizes a progressive attitude towards getting back on track rather than giving up on the relationship altogether.

4. Seek a marriage therapist

If handling the issue by yourself does not help you resolve it, seeking the help of a marriage therapist might be important. A marriage/relationship therapist can help you process your thoughts, find possible reasons why your partner cheated, or set you up for a consenting conversation with your partner. Making decisions about whether or not this act of infidelity will be the end of the relationship/marriage or not will require a thorough analysis of the situation. A marriage expert might be able to help you direct the trajectory of the relationship or show you ways to end it respectfully if this is inevitable.