Are you talking with a girl who is giving you mixed feelings about whether she really likes you or just appreciates you for your attention? This can be quite a confusing experience that feels like she is playing games with your head, which is why most people try to find answers early.
While that may be very annoying to some guys, there are reasons why many girls pretend not to like you when deep down, they may be interested in having something more serious with you.
But very importantly, women have been shown to have a greater number of potential deal breakers when it comes to dating, and are also more likely to report having difficulty finding someone who meets their expectations, a study shows.[1]From Swiping to Sexting: The Enduring Gender Divide in American Dating and Relationships – The Survey Center on American Life This could mean that a girl who is acting uncertainly might be taking her time to find out if you pass most of her expectations before she comes straight to you.
For example, a 22-year-old lady in the survey cited above expressed that she asks for simple things like someone who remembers what was discussed in conversations, flowers, date nights, and someone who gives her the feeling of having spent quality time together. Another 19-year-old lady also expressed that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship where somebody is not open-minded about things that she wants to do and that if she has a different point of view from her supposed partner, she would like to have a rational conversation about it, rather than it being dismissed.[2]Ibid., From Swiping to Sexting: The Enduring Gender Divide in American Dating and Relationships – The Survey Center on American Life
While pretty much anyone can have high standards for dating and relationships, having to consider several different factors can make a girl who likes a guy not always show it until she is certain he is the guy she wants to be with.
That being said, in this post, we will see the psychological reasons why girls hide their feelings, signs to know if a girl likes you but just trying to hide it, and what to do after confirming that.
The Psychology Behind Girls Hiding Their Feelings
There are deep reasons why women hide their feelings even when they see a guy they like. These may be related to societal and psychosocial factors as you will see below.
Women are not generally known for making the first move, either for fear of rejection or to avoid appearing too cheap, which they believe could end in an inevitable heartbreak. They’d rather hide behind the mask to find out if a guy is genuinely interested or is just coming for some benefits only.
This is supported by Caryl E. Rusbult’s Investment Model of Commitment which describes that the more investment (effort, quality time spent, money, possession, etc) one puts into a relationship, the more committed the partner will be.[3]The Investment Model of Commitment Processes (IMCP), Rusbult et al., 2012
Some girls enjoy the chase as it makes them feel special; a real man should put in the work, they’d say. Some of these girls also believe that a man would lose interest in her quickly if he perceives her to be ‘too easy to get’. In concert, Kelly Campbell, a Professor of Psychology, has agreed that when a relationship accelerates too fast, the sparks can fizzle out quickly.[4]4 Reasons Why People Lose Interest in a Partner – Psychology Today
Thus, a girl may want to take things slow to evaluate and try not to show her feelings too early even if she likes you.
30 Signs a Girl Likes You but Is Trying Not to Show It
While society and culture, maybe evolution too, have made women stay discreet about their feelings preferentially, there are ways you can know when a girl likes you but is only hiding it.
Human beings are emotional beings, and no matter how much we try to hide what we feel inside, we can easily lose guard and express our inner feelings in ways other people can perceive. These include facial expressions, actions, gestures, and words. However, in this case, a girl who likes you would deliberately “test the waters” via some intentional and subtle non-verbal cues to avoid being too vulnerable.
While these signals may help her express her desire to be with a guy without being too obvious, a guy might remain confused about them, particularly if he is naive about these signs.
Monica Moore and Karl Grammer have respectively carried out studies to show certain subtle signs girls make when they like a guy but are trying not to show it.[5]Moore, M. M. (1985). Nonverbal Courtship Patterns in Women: Context and Consequences. Ethology and Sociobiology, 6(4), 237-247[6]Karl Grammer. Strangers Meet: Laughter and Nonverbal Signs of Interest in Opposite-Sex Encounters”.Journal of Nonverbal Behavior This section will explore those subtle signs that a girl likes you even if she doesn’t want to say it.
1. She steals frequent glances at you
The studies highlighted above independently showed that frequently glancing at someone and observing them is a key indicator of romantic interest. When a girl steals glances at you when she thinks you are not looking, this is a sign that she likes you but tries not to show it.
2. She casually touches you with her hand or body
Light, casual touches on your arm or shoulder are subtle signs that a girl is interested in you. She might subtly move her body or hands to casually touch your body when she is sharing a long bench with you or sitting close to you. This is a sign that she has feelings for you even though she is afraid to admit or say it.
3. She subtly leans towards you
The orientation of a woman’s body can reveal the guy she is interested in, research shows. By subtly shifting her body towards a particular person, you can tell that a girl is interested in him even if she is too shy to let him know.
A more open posture might be a sign of receptiveness. Her feet, shoulders, or knees may naturally face toward you when you are sitting or standing close to each other. This body orientation is an unconscious sign that a girl likes you even if she does not want to show it.
4. She may blush or become nervous around you
Pay attention to her body language cues such as blushing or fidgeting. These can indicate if she likes you but trying not show show it. This nervousness is an expression of her hidden feelings for you. Even though she has been trying to bottle them up, this subtle sign can reveal them.
5. She plays with her hair or clothing when you are around
By playing with her hair or clothing, a woman can soothe herself or draw attention to her physical appearance. In an attempt to ease herself of being nervous around you, she can play with her hair or clothing, or do some repetitive task with her hands.
Playing with her hair or clothing is also a way a girl can draw attention to her physical appearance, in a subtle way that indicates she is interested in you.
6. Dancing to herself when you are present
Solitary dancing has been shown as another subtle sign that a girl is interested in a guy. A girl might dance to herself in a social setting in a way that suggests she wants to draw attention to herself.
If you notice that she always dances to herself when you are around, especially in a place where you can see her, she may be interested in you even if she doesn’t want to come all out.
7. She laughs at your jokes
Studies have shown that even though laughter alone is not always a direct indicator of interest, it can be a subtle sign that a girl likes you. If you find her laughing at your jokes, even those that do not seem very funny to other people, that is a sign that she is interested in you and like to see you happy when she is around you.
8. She might initiate conversations with you
When a girl likes you, she doesn’t always leave you to be the only one initiating conversations. She might initiate conversations with you, showing a keen interest in your life, passion, and hobbies.
While initiating a conversation is one subtle way a girl can show her interest, not every girl will do that. This largely depends on her personality and how close you have become since you met each other.
9. She wants to know more about you
When a girl likes you, she is more interested in knowing more about you. She tries to get close to subtly understand more about your character and qualities, to see if you have the qualities she likes in a man. During conversations, she might also ask you questions that point toward getting to know you better.
10. She asks about your friends
Not only does she want to know about you, she also wants to know about your friends. She might ask if you have a best friend and who your best friend is.
When a girl is interested in you, she also wants to be close to your friends because she knows that they can play a role in what your relationship with him turns out to be.
11. She wants to know your interests
You can be interested in someone without knowing what they like to do. Wanting to know about your interests is one subtle sign that a girl likes you even if she is trying to keep it cool.
During conversations, she asks about your hobbies and after she knows what your hobbies are, she puts effort into supporting you in the things you love. This is a subtle and subconscious sign that she likes you.
12. She readily gives to you when you are in need
One clear sign that a girl likes you even when she is too shy to admit it is that she would readily give you something when you ask her or when she sees that you are in need. Unlike someone who is not interested in you, a girl who likes you finds no other way to express their feelings aside from saying it verbally.
This does not mean some girls cannot verbally indicate their interest when they like you but for the most part, they give these subtle signs instead.
13. She enjoys conversations with you
When a girl likes you, she enjoys having conversations with you. You can notice this from the way she smiles and giggles at your words when you are having a conversation. She is not also in a hurry to leave when she is talking with you.
14. She likes to participate in activities of your interest
When a girl likes you, she doesn’t stop at knowing your interests and hobbies. She likes to participate in them or be around you when you are doing the activities you love. This can be a sign that she wants to be around you, and also a sign that she is interested in what makes you happy.
For example, once she knows that you are a football lover, she might also begin to develop an interest in football and sometimes ask you about the last game you watched, or ask if she can come to watch a match with you.
15. She wants you to notice her beauty
A girl can get seductive when she likes you. She does this so you can notice her beauty and what you will enjoy if you make your move at her. As earlier stated, she can do solitary dancing, and touch her hair, her chest, or her buttocks to get your attention. Getting seductive is one subtle way a girl tells you she likes you even when she is trying not to say it.
16. She likes to be around you
She may not explicitly say it but if a girl loves you, she secretly wants to be with you. Just being around you makes her happy and she doesn’t seem to get tired of it.
She will look for opportunities to be around you or initiate conversations or activities with you. And not every time you bump into her at events or occasions is an accident.
17. She compliments you
Everyone likes a good compliment and we all know that. When a girl likes you, she enjoys the compliments you give her and she is also not hesitant to reciprocate them to you. Saying “I love you” or “I like you” might be difficult for a shy girl but if she does, she will find ways to compliment you, your looks, or something about you.
18. Her friends may act differently around you
Her friends may begin to act differently when you are together. They might leave you two alone when you come into their midst so that they don’t interrupt you two. She might have told them good things about you.
If her friends are being hostile or unsupportive, it might be that she has told them she doesn’t like you but she thinks you are getting a wrong impression about her.
19. She genuinely cares when you are hurt
The best way to test someone who loves someone else or something is how they react when you are extremely happy or when you are hurt. When a girl loves you, she can’t hold it when you are hurt. She might pretend not to care but once she knows you are hurt, she will show that she genuinely cares.
20. She replies to your messages
In the avalanche of messages she gets on social media, a girl who likes you will reply to your messages even when she doesn’t care to read those of other people. If she is busy, she will attend to your calls or messages as soon as she is available from work or whatever activity is keeping her busy.
She will also comment on your posts, like your posts, or repost them if necessary. This shows that she is paying attention to you and is subtly sending you signals that she likes you even without saying or admitting it.
21. She acts jealous when she sees you with another girl
If a girl likes you, seeing you with another girl, especially one she thinks you might like, may make her feel jealous. This might make her look away or look at you in a way that suggests she wants you to stop being with the other girl. You may not notice this all the time but if you eventually notice it, it can be a sign that she likes you even though she is trying to hide it.
22. She likes to go out with you
If she has suggested hanging out or taking a walk with you on one or two occasions, it is a sign that she likes you. This can afford her an opportunity to spend time with you.
Whether casually or officially, if a girl summons the courage to invite you for an outing, party, or a get-together, she might be in love with you but doesn’t know how else to tell you.
23. She acts unhappy when you don’t care
When you are actively ignoring a girl and you notice that she is not happy with it, it could mean that she likes you even though she has not let you know otherwise. She likes you to care about her as much as she cares about you.
24. She remembers and listens to what you say
When a girl likes you, she pays attention to what you tell her and remembers things from your previous conversations. For example, if you earlier told her something she does that does not feel so great, she listens and makes the appropriate adjustments when next you encounter the same situation.
25. She might try to make you feel jealous
A girl can use subtle ways to make you feel jealous if she likes you. She wants to see your reactions if you would be willing to fight for her love too. While this might not be a healthy approach to expressing one’s feelings, she might not see it that way because she is only interested in getting your attention.
26. She asks about your family
Any girl can be attracted to you but when her curiosity grows from just knowing about you, your friends, and your passions, to know about your family, that’s a sign that she is beginning to see herself living her life with you by her side.
27. She gives you attention
If a girl gives you attention when you call on her irrespective of what she is doing, she might be interested in you even if she has not been bold enough to say it. For example, a girl who likes you can close the book she was reading to listen to you immediately after you call on her.
28. She would like you to visit her
Not every girl agrees to entertain guests but they do if they like you. A girl who likes you wants you to be around her, and you would get an automatic “Yes” when you ask if you can visit her.
29. She likes it when you compliment her
Every girl loves compliments but a girl that likes you loves your compliments so much she can’t hold back a smile or may blush when you compliment her. She might not have said she loves you or directly given you signals that she wants to be with you but these subtle signs can reveal a lot about how she feels about you.
30. She may behave strangely towards you
While all of the above signs may suggest when a girl has feelings for you without directly coming to tell you, that does not mean she cannot behave differently or strangely towards you. She can get angry or upset at any slight provocation or without any tangible reason. She can playfully scold you for something you casually did just so you can have a conversation.
Depending on her personality, she may display the exact opposite of one or more of the subtle signs discussed in this section. This is why banking on only a couple of subtle signs in knowing if a girl is interested but trying to hide it might not be advisable.
How to Know If a Girl’s Truly Likes You
While the subtle signs above may indicate if a girl is interested in you but cannot directly express it, it is always better to try to understand someone’s feelings through open communication. Engage her in casual conversation and get to know her better.
Also, try to observe how she behaves around you versus others. If she seems more attentive or engaged when talking to you, she may indeed have feelings for you.
The subtle signs to know when a girl likes you but trying not to show it are speculations at best. To determine if a girl likes you or not, without leaving any room for assumptions, open communication is the best way to go about doing so.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why would a girl try to hide her feelings if she likes me?
There are several reasons why a girl might try not to show her affection. She could be shy, afraid of being rejected, unsure if you might feel the same, and importantly, she might be held by cultural norms that a woman making advances at a man makes her appear cheaper.
Can a girl like me and still avoid talking to me?
Even though subtle signs exist to show when a girl likes you but tries not to show it, girls can act in atypical ways when they like someone. These strange behaviors may be due to nervousness, insecurities, or not wanting to seem too interested.
How do girls behave when trying to suppress their feelings?
When trying to suppress their feelings, girls may assume hostile and confronting behavior towards a guy they like. Other times, she can behave in a manner that might mean she doesn't care about you or what happens to you.
Why does a girl send mixed signals if she likes me?
If a girl is giving you mixed signals, it could be that she likes you but is trying not to show it. She can unconsciously give subtle signals that she likes you but when she comes to full consciousness, she might act oppositely.
It might be that she likes you but just does not want to settle with you for any reasons best known to her.
Can I ask her directly if she likes me?
Yes, but it depends on the level of closeness between the two of you. If you feel like you have built a good rapport with her, asking her directly in a respectful way could be a great way to clarify things. However, if you are not sure if she would be comfortable enough for such a question yet, you might want to continue building the relationship further before bringing up the topic.
What if I’m wrong about her feelings?
If you find out that you are wrong about her feelings, it is important to remain respectful and maintain your composure. People can be naturally welcoming and attractive without having any serious romantic interests underneath.
You should gradually let go of your feelings and make things look awkward. Maintaining friendship with her might still be possible.
Conclusions
There are various psychological and emotional reasons why girls try not to show that they like a guy. However, girls generally have some subtle ways to express interest without making it too obvious.
While these subtle signs can serve as a speculative way to know when a girl likes you but is trying to hide it, the place of direct open communication cannot be over-emphasized. At some point, you may have to ask her directly how she feels about you, particularly if you like her too.
Drop a comment in the comment below if a girl has once deceived you into thinking she likes you but ended up she was just flirting with you.
References
| ↑1 | From Swiping to Sexting: The Enduring Gender Divide in American Dating and Relationships – The Survey Center on American Life |
|---|---|
| ↑2 | Ibid., From Swiping to Sexting: The Enduring Gender Divide in American Dating and Relationships – The Survey Center on American Life |
| ↑3 | The Investment Model of Commitment Processes (IMCP), Rusbult et al., 2012 |
| ↑4 | 4 Reasons Why People Lose Interest in a Partner – Psychology Today |
| ↑5 | Moore, M. M. (1985). Nonverbal Courtship Patterns in Women: Context and Consequences. Ethology and Sociobiology, 6(4), 237-247 |
| ↑6 | Karl Grammer. Strangers Meet: Laughter and Nonverbal Signs of Interest in Opposite-Sex Encounters”.Journal of Nonverbal Behavior |
There are no ‘signs’ that could convince me that any woman is interested in me. As a fundamentally unattractive man, it is a fact that no woman could be. I don’t waste my time looking for signs that cannot be there – to do so would be an exercise in self-delusion.
Hi Doug
Your comment got me smiling 🙂
You might be very surprised when you eventually find out about the ladies that are interested in you. You are not as unattractive as you think you are. I don’t need to see you first.
Thanks for stopping by to say your mind.
Yes