3 Harsh Facts About Long-Distance Relationships

Are you about to enter a long-distance relationship (LDR for short)? You need to prepare for the worst because long-distance relationships are not always very rosy experiences.

Aside from the loneliness of the cold weather when you would wish to cuddle with your partner but they are nowhere to be found, there are harsh facts about long-distance relationships you need to know.

If you have ever been in a long-distance relationship, you can easily relate to the feeling of being in love with someone who is far away from you. But unfortunately, long-distance relationships are inevitable for most of us which could be due to work, study, or career-related causes.

So, if you see that something is coming to turn your relationship with your SO into an LDR, here are the harshest facts you need to know before you agree to continue with the idea of an LDR.

In this post, I will show you some problems with LDRs, as well as three (3) harsh facts about long-distance relationships and how you can navigate through them successfully.

3 Harsh Facts About LDRs You Need To Know

In 2005, over 14 million people reported being in a long-distance relationship in the US. Of these, over 3.7 million married couples are in an LDR, while 75% of all engaged couples reported to have been in a long-distance relationship at some point in their relationship.

Here are three harsh facts about long-distance relationships you should know about before you enter one.

1. Fifty percent (50%) of people in a long-distance relationship feel lonely

In a 2018 study published by SexualAlpha, loneliness is one of the top challenges in maintaining LDRs with 50% of people in a long-distance relationship claiming to feel lonely in their relationship with their partner. The problems with this are, the lack of physical intimacy (66%) and the different opinions about communication (24%).

In addition, 55% of people in LDRs are concerned that their partners are or will start seeing someone else. This can heighten the feeling of loneliness in a long-distance relationship.

Love knows no limits but being physically apart can bring some elements of emotional distance between the partners particularly when there are differences in the physical needs and opinions about communication, respectively.

For example, one of the partners may desire frequent over-the-call communication as a sign of effectiveness of communication, and intimacy in a long-distance relationship which may be different for the other partner. These differences can make one or both partners feel extremely lonely and deprived of intimacy in the LDR.

2. Forty percent of long-distance relationships break up

Studies have shown that 60% of couples in long-term relationships have successful long-term results. This could either mean marriage if the partners were dating, or a blissful marriage thereafter when the long-distance relationship ends (after they reunite). Conversely, this means that 40% of long-distance relationships do not survive.

According to the statistics, long-distance relationships usually last 90 days or longer, and most end before the end of the first year. The problems begin to arise at about 4 to 5 months into the long-distance relationship, and are related to loss of intimacy, feelings of loneliness, infidelity, lack of effective communication, and mistrust^[1]Long-distance relationship – Wikipedia.

Some researchers have stated that long-distance relationships may be related to higher levels of intimacy and commitment, arguing the fact that couples in an LDR tend to invest more into the relationship^[2]Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder: Do Long-Distance Relationships Have an Effect on Levels of Intimacy in Romantic Relationships?. However, it is only a matter of time before one or both partners begin to feel the financial impact of the relationship.

For example, someone recounts how he had to spend $1500 to $2000 on flight travel from the United States to Australia where his partner lived. Calculating this by the number of times they hope to see each other will show how expensive a long-distance relationship can be.

That aside, you must pay for internet, call communication, and other expenses. Thus, it is not surprising why as much as 40% of LDRs end in a breakup before they get a chance to come back together.

3. Thirty-seven percent (37%) of LDRs break up within 3 months of moving in together again

Successfully navigating through a long-distance relationship does not guarantee the success of the relationship afterward. About 37% of couples in a long-distance relationship break up within 3 months of becoming geographically close to each other.

At the end of the LDR, the partners may have grown so much apart that they can see obvious incompatibilities in terms of physical and behavioral changes. Thus, a breakup can occur even after they have successfully survived the long-distance phase^[3]When long-distance dating partners become geographically close – Laura Stafford, Andy J. Merolla, Janessa D. Castle, 2006.

Having seen these three harsh facts about long-distance relationships, you also notice that there is still a good chance of making it work. Though 40% of long-distance relationships break up during the period, a whopping 60% survived the phase.

Problems of Long-Distance Relationships

Aside from these three harsh facts of long-distance relationships, there are other problems you might encounter when in a long-distance relationship. In fact, some of the harsh facts discussed above are a result of some of these challenges.

1. Loneliness hits harder in a long-distance relationship

We already talked about loneliness in long-distance relationships. The feeling is even worse when you get to see other people enjoy life with their partners but yours is far away from you.

2. Gradual loss of intimacy

If nothing is done to close up any emotional gap that may arise in a long-distance relationship, loss of intimacy can gradually ensue. Many activities can take up your attention and affect your need to contact your partner, which can gradually spiral into a loss of intimacy over time.

3. LDRs can be very expensive

We talked about how expensive LDRs can be. I guess you can now relate.

4. There is a higher chance of infidelity in LDRs

Dr Dana Mcneil, an expert in couples therapy, has described infidelity as the unfortunate reality of LDRs. In a bid to satisfy one’s physical needs, there is an increased chance of infidelity in LDRs. This explains why 55% of people in LDRs are concerned that their partners are or will start seeing someone else.

Once infidelity sets in, the unfaithful partner usually starts displaying certain signs which can put a strain on the relationship. As discussed by Dana Mcneil, some of these signs include not returning texts or phone calls as quickly, not being available or interested in chatting regularly, and not being willing to talk about how much they miss you.

5. Possibility of lack of trust

Trust is not dependent on distance, and can be lost whether people are close or far apart. However, there is an old adage that ‘out of sight is out of mind’.

While a long-distance relationship doesn’t necessarily mean out of mind but the chances of losing trust for your partner is higher in a long-distance relationship than in close relationships, especially when effective communication is lacking.

6. Communication is harder

Due to the physical distance, high cost of communication and a possibility of being in different time zones, communication with your partner in a long-distance relationship can be harder.

7. It feels like your life is on pause

When you are in a long-distance relationship, it can feel like your relationship life is on pause while others move ahead with theirs. You see your friends getting married, starting a family, and having kids, and it can be frustrating when you get to be just a wedding guest yet again.

8. You change differently after the long distance

This is the reason why breakups and divorce are commoner after the long-distance couple become geographically close to each other. Change is normal in everyone’s life, but by virtue of the different environment and the time apart, some aspects of the change is often unexpectedly different.

How to Make Your LDR Work

According to statistics, 10% of couples started in long-distance relationships; 14 million couples in the United States are in a long-distance relationship; and 75% of college students have claimed to have been in a long-distance relationship. About 27% of couples said that they had never lived near their partner from the start.

These figures makes it clear that being in a long-distance relationship at some point in our lives is inevitable for most of us. That means, one has to look beyond the harsh facts about LDR and find ways to make it work.

And if you are about to enter a long-distance relationship, here are some ways to you can make it work with your LDR partner to become part of the 60% of LDRs that succeeded in the long-term.

1. Both of you should get involved

To make your LDR work, both of you need to get involved from the start. Talk about the challenges and how you can overcome them together. Once both of you are mutually proactive on the issues at hand, the burden becomes lighter and the chances of having a successful relationship becomes higher.

2. Focus on good communication

Good communication can help close up the distance barrier between you two. Good/effective communication is not about how frequent you talk with each other, it is about the quality of the conversation when you talk with each other.

Pay attention to what your partner is trying to say, and explain yourself clearly if you have any challenges. When both of you feel that you understand the other person, and that you are also understood, distance no longer becomes a barrier to your communication.

3. Be available

The last thing you want to do when you are in a long-distance relationship is make excuse why you cannot speak or chat with your partner. Even when you are tired, find some way to communicate with your partner. The idea is that people will always make time for the things/people that matter to them.

4. Learn new ways to spice things up

Even if you don’t get the opportunity to regularly visit your partner, there are creative ways you can express your love and affection. For example, you can send gifts, postcards, jewellery, flowers, and other things. These can romantically warm up the heart of your partner and make you keep longing to see each other again.

5. keep trusting your partner

We saw that 55% of couples in LDRs get scared that their partner will start seeing someone else. This can make them lose trust in their partner and the relationship. You have to be committed to trusting your partner, and never believe hearsays over your partner’s words.

6. Make efforts to visit each other

Traveling to see each can be expensive but if that is the price you have to pay to make the relationship work, it is going to be worth it in the end.

7. Stay committed to each other

Long-distance relationship also have some advantages too. Victoria Leandra, an author on Bustle.com, has argued that being in a long-distance relationship allows her focus on her career without any distractions.

Additionally, several experts have suggested that long-distance relationships may be associated with higher levels of commitment than proximate relationships. Whatever the case is, you can decide to stay committed to each other to make it work.