According to a study done in 2013, most Americans tend to lose their virginity between the ages of 16 and 20. By age 22, approximately 90% of the population has lost their virginity. By age 30, the rate of virginity stabilizes, with around 4% individuals still identifying as virgins at age 43.[1]When Straight Americans Lost Their Virginity – FlowingData
The proportion of people who keep their virginity after the age of adulthood dramatically disappears in the United States. However, the statistics also shows that after age 30, the likelihood of someone losing their virginity if they have not already lost it before then decreases significantly.
keeping one’s virginity has become a matter of debate in recent times. Young people and virgins seem to face a lot of pressure whether to keep their virginity or not to. And to some, virginity doesn’t seem like a big deal anymore. Well! Until you begin to have regrets that you should have kept it a little longer.
What is Virginity?
Virginity typically refers to a state of never having engaged in sexual intercourse. It is often defined differently based on cultural, religious, and individual beliefs. Traditionally, virgnity is linked to time of first experience of penetrative sex (vaginal intercourse). Some contexts may, however, encompass other forms of sexual activity.
Many cultures have described virginity in relation to the intactness of the hymen in females, emphasizing that medical examination of the genital tract/hymen (so called virginity examination) can show that a girl/lady is still a virgin or not. However, this hymen is not a reliable way to determine virginity as it can be torn by other non-sexual activities including sports and tampon use. The World Health Organization has condemned “virginity testing” practices that rely on hymen examination, calling them medically inaccurate and harmful.[2]UN: WHO Condemns ‘Virginity Tests’ – Human Rights Watch
The term “virginity” is not a medical or scientific term, but has been described to be a sociocultural and religious construct promoting gender discrimination against women and girls. This explains why virginity is not emphasized for men as it is for women.[3]United Nations agencies call for ban on virginity testing
How do Men Lose Their Virginity
Bearing in mind that men do not have hymens, you can see more clearly why “virginity” is a stereotypical concept. However, the traditional definition of virginity in terms of having had penetrative sex could be used to describe how men lose their virginity too.
Though several non-sexual factors could result in the tearing of the hymen in females, penetrative sex is believed to be an important cause. By extrapolation, virginity in males could be linked to having had an experience of penetrative sex in their life.
Why Keeping Your Virginity Is Important
Whether male or female, keeping one’s virginity to marriage has been noted by several cultures and religions as very important. The reasons are usually related to problems finding a marital partner in the future or violating one’s spiritual standards.
While those reasons may not be far from the truth, I’d like to see keeping your virginity as a way of preventing the first few exposures to sex when you are not mentally and emotionally ready for it. Sex, is a very strong experience that can inhibit one’s sense of self-control the moment you have started it.
If you are contemplating on having sex now for the first time or waiting a bit longer till marriage, let’s see some honest reasons why you should consider keeping your virginity till you are married.
17 Honest Reasons to Keep Your Virginity
If you are feeling pressured to start engaging in penetrative sex, you might want to consider these honest reasons for keep your virginity. These are things you won’t hear from those who are already sexually active.
1. Protection against STIs
Abstinence from penetrative sexual intercourse (genital or oral) is the first recommended step in the prevention of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). It guarantees the best protection from infections but the decision to stay abstain fully should be based on strong personal values and conviction, with a clear mind free from alcohol, drugs, or external pressures.[4]The ABCD’s of STI Prevention – CHC Clinic
Keeping your virginity reduces your chances of contracting STIs because you are not exposed in the first place. Besides that, you don’t have to worry everytime about having contracted an STI when you have any unspecific symptoms.
2. Can be a valuable gift for your future partner
While the idea of keeping one’s virginity till marriage does not make any difference in how much the partners love each other in a union, it can have a psychological impact on one’s partner within a few years after marriage. Many cultures have believed that keeping your virginity till marriage can be a special gift for your future partner, and we can’t agree any less.
3. You are still young
Becoming sexually active comes with a lot of responsibilities, particularly when you are not yet married. In addition to trying to prevent contracting diseases, you may also want to prevent unwanted pregnancy which would make you do things you never wanted to do. If you are still very young, coping with all of these can be difficult and challenging. Hence, keeping your virginity might be a better option.
4. You want to keep your religious belief
Most world religions place emphasis on sexual purity and abstinence until marriage. If you identify with any religion, there are chances that you might want to keep your religious beliefs as well. Maintaining a good stand in your religious beliefs is another reason you might want to keep your virginity.
5. You are not ready
If you are honest with yourself, you might see that you are not ready to start engaging in sexual intercourse or face its outcomes. If you are still living with your parents or depending fully on them for your livelihood, that may not be the right time to start engaging in sex bearing in mind that once you start, you are likely going to do it over and over again.
6. You want more sexual control
Experience would teach you that initiating penetrative sex and breaking your virginity can weaken your power of self-control over sex. The pleasure of having sex for the first time can make you do it over and over again. Frequent sexual activity can lead to psychological conditioning which makes sexual urges harder to manage over time, particularly if the behavior becomes compulsive.
That is why Confuscious stated that “a long absense without sex turns a person into a neurotic” but he also added that “the more you don’t have sex, the less you want it”.[5]167 Ancient Chinese Quotes With Amazing Life’s Lessons – Knowseeker This corroborates with the earlier statistics that states that the likelihood of losing virginity decreases significantly after age 30.
Summarily, if you want more control over sex and its allures, avoiding initiating it might be the best way to achieve that.
7. To focus your energy on productive things
Fantasizing about sex or compulsively engaging in it can drain your productive energy. It gives you a feeling of enjoyment while taking away your productive time at the same time. While not a biological determinant, keeping your virginity can protect you from the emotional and physical complexities of sexual encounters, allowing you focus on more important areas of your life like work and personal goals.
8. Protect your self-esteem
In cultures where virginity is highly important for assessing someone’s value, especially a woman, keeping your virginity might help you keep and build your self-esteem. Having sex with someone you are not married can often make you feel like you have just been used by someone who shouldn’t. Hence, keeping your virginity can help your self-esteem a great deal.
9. Build better relationships
Keeping your virginity, especially when you begin to enter relationships can help you focus on building more important aspects of the relationship, like compatibility, expectations, and building emotional connection. Engaging in sex can mask reality making you ignore important things you should pay attention to in a relationship.
10. Handling guilt
Initiating sex requires some degree of mental and emotional preparedness. In certain cultures, casual or premarital sex is discouraged or viewed negatively. This, in addition to unmet expectations about sex, can make one feel guilt of having lost something valuable for something not worth the hype.
11. Keeps you feeling determined and powerful
Being able to suppress urges and keep your virginity as long as it takes before getting married is a heroic decision. If you are careful enough to count it as an achievement, it can energize you for anything else you put your mind to achieve.
12. Worrying less about diseases
In addition to protecting you from diseases, keeping your virginity also makes you worry less about sexually transmitted infections. There is this irrational fear people experience when they have slight body symptoms within days or months after sexual intercourse. Keeing your virginity frees you from all of these.
13. Avoiding unwanted pregnancy
Unwanted pregnancy is a major issue surrounding pre-marital sex globally. This is why contraceptives are advocated for people who cannot abstain from sex. Unwanted pregnancies are unwanted because you may not be financially, emotionally, or physically ready for them; including the fact that you are not in a stable legalized romantic relationship with your sexual partner.
14. Preventing complications of abortion
In a bid to get rid of unwanted pregnancies, several complications can arise, some of which may be life-threatening. Keeping your virginity and delaying when you have sex for the first time can help you prevent complications of abortion (safe or unsafe), like infections, infertility, and bleeding. This is even worse in areas where abortion is not legal, warranting a search for unskilled hands.
15. Making better marital choices
The choice of who to marry can be confusing. Pre-marital sex makes it even more confusing because it could mask important aspects you need to identify in your partner. also, the thought that you have already given them a lot of yourself/vulnerability could make it difficult for you to leave even if you think they do not have what you are looking for in a partner.
16. Gives a woman confidence about fertility
Keeping virginity till marriage can boost a woman’s confidence regarding issues related to fertility. Pre-marital sex raises the risk of several diseases that can affect a woman’s fertility.
When a couple is unable to achieve pregnancy after the first two years, questions might be raised concerning a woman’s sexual behavior in the past. Keeping her virginity would help cast the radar off her as the cause of the infertility issues.
17. Greater marital satisfaction
In religious and cultural contexts where virginity is highly valued, those who wait until marriage might experience a greater sense of fulfilment, as their actions align with their values.
A study published in the American Psychological Association’s Journal of Family Pscyhology, three Brigham Young University (BYU) scholars reported that couples who delay sexual intimacy during dating enjoy a variety of benefits. Compared to those who had sex within the first month of dating, couples who waited until marriage reported 22% higher relationship stability, 20% higher relationship satisfaction, and 12% better communication.[6]Good Things Come to Those Who Wait – BYU
While this does not directly correlate to virginity alone, Dean M. Busby, BYU professor of family life, says “Any waiting at all helps, though abstinence has the best outcomes.”
How to Keep Your Virginity
Overcoming the pressure to initiate sex can be such a difficult challenge. After having considered the above reasons to keep your virginity, here are some key steps to stay away from having sex until you are married or fully ready for it.
1. Make the decision
Keeping your virginity till you are married or ready to have sex begins with making the decision. You have to be decisive about what you want and deciding to stand firmly on that decision.
2. Avoid sexual cues
Deciding to keep your virginity does not mean there won’t be sexual cues that may tempt you to do otherwise. There will always be seductions from potential sex partners, but on your part, you can avoid sexual cues as much as you can.
3. Know your boundaries
We all have sexual boundaries beyond which controlling our sexual urges becomes more difficult. Thus, identifying your sexual boundaries and defining them clearly would help you stay within the confines of your boundaries.
4. Focus on productivity
Keeping your virginity can help you focus on other important areas of your life if you channel that energy into them. When you have urge to initiate sex, divert your attention to tasks of personal productivity and personal growth.
5. Hold firm to your faith
Having mentioned that religious and cultural beliefs can help promote virginity, holding firm to your religious beliefs and practicing your faith can help you keep away from sex until you are allowed to initiate it.
6. Limit pornography
Binge-watching pornography can sometime make you have unhealthy cravings for sex, positions, and styles. Staying away from pornography might help reduce sexual cues and temptations, particularly if you are yet to initiate sex.
7. Practice delayed gratification
Delayed gratification refers to a conscious decision to delay pleasure today so that you can set things right and enjoy greater pleasure tomorrow. This idea of saving the best for the last might come with a lot of advantages for you in your future marriage.
8. Avoid sex trends
Soon, you might hear people say that being a virgin is old-fashioned. This is a trend you might start hearing about particularly when your friends begin to lose their virginity. However, to stay focused, you should avoid being swayed by such trends.
Disadvantages of Trying to Keep Your Virginity
If you have decided to keep your virginity, here are some negative experiences you might encounter. It is good to discuss these so you can find ways to circumvent these challenges.
1. You might feel odd
For some strange reasons, some society might make virgins feel odd as though they are naive. This is expected, since the majority of people might have initiated sex, leaving only a few individuals who want to keep their virginity till marriage.
2. You might be mocked for not giving in
Friends and colleagues might mock you for being a virgin and sometimes describes you as the one who refuse to fit with the norm. This is often a way to pressurize you to initiate sex and lose what they cannot get back. Once you’ve started, there is no going back, or it is even more difficult.
3. You might lose some friends
Friends who were once virgins like you might start leaving your circle when they break their virginity. If their persuasions to make you initiate sex does not work, they might stop being friends with you but you don’t have to be friends with everyone, do you?
Advantages of Keeping Your Virginity
Having explored some disadvantages of delaying sex till you are ready, here are some advantages you might get.
1. You may be more valued by other people
People of the compatible sex might value you more than other people who have initiated sex already when they find out that you are still a virgin. It shows them that you are very self-controlled, focused, and decisive.
2. You feel more powerful and in control
Controlling your sexual urges and avoiding initiating sex despite societal pressures is a big feat. Being able to do can make you feel more in control and powerful. It might also be easier for you to put a check to other risky habits like smoking, alcoholism, and drug addictions.
3. You are more decisive than most people
A lot of people give up their virginity due to pressures, not necessarily because they want to. This make them end up regretting the actions after having initiated their first sex. Being able to withhold from having sex until you are ready already places you at a position of some of the most decisive people in the world.
Frequently Asked Questions About Virginity
Can a man be a virgin?
Yes, both men and women can be virgins. Virginity simply refers to the state of not having had sexual intercourse, and this applies to all genders.
What are the benefits of sleeping with a virgin?
There is no universal "benefit" to sleeping with a virgin. Some people believe that the emotional and psychological bond might be stronger if both partners share their first sexual experience together. Others emphasize that sexual experiences, regardless of virginity, should be consensual, respectful, and in line with one's values and readiness.
How can I keep my virginity?
Keeping your virginity is a personal decision. It involves setting boundaries, practicing abstinence, and being mindful of situations that may pressure or tempt you to engage in sexual activity. Surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals who respect your choices can also help.
Is there an acceptable age to lose my virginity before marriage?
There is no universally "acceptable" age to lose your virginity, as it depends on individual beliefs, cultural norms, and personal readiness. Some cultures or religions recommend waiting until marriage, while others believe it should happen when a person feels emotionally and physically prepared. Most importantly, the decision is made voluntarily and with full consent.
Is it better to marry a virgin or a non-virgin?
Whether it's "better" to marry a virgin or a non-virgin depends on personal values. Some people prefer to marry someone with the same sexual history, while others prioritize shared beliefs, trust, and emotional connection. Virginity alone is not a determinant of marital success.
If I am a virgin, should I marry a non-virgin?
This decision is highly personal. Many virgins prefer to marry other virgins, but what matters most is compatibility in values, mutual respect, and love. A person’s sexual history should be a minor factor compared to shared life goals, beliefs, and emotional connection.
When can I lose my virginity?
The best time to lose your virginity is when you feel emotionally and physically ready, and you are in a respectful and consensual relationship. For those who follow religious or cultural guidelines, waiting until marriage may be encouraged. If you decide to engage in sexual activity before marriage, ensure it aligns with your readiness and values.
Can a woman lose her virginity without sex?
From a physical perspective, some associate virginity with the hymen's intactness. However, a hymen can break due to non-sexual activities like exercise or tampon use but this does not mean she has lost her virginity. Virginity is more about the act of intercourse rather than the state of the hymen.
Can I get back my virginity after losing it?
Physically, once virginity is lost, it cannot be regained. However, some people believe in "secondary virginity" or recommitment to abstinence after engaging in sexual activity. This is a psychological or spiritual decision rather than a physical one.
Can I know if someone is a virgin without asking them?
It’s difficult to determine someone’s virginity without asking them directly. Behaviors, attitudes, or how comfortable someone is talking about sex might give clues, but these are not reliable indicators. The best approach is open, honest, and respectful communication if such topics arise.
