In the enthusiasm of every new year, almost every one of us has made New Year resolutions to improve our lives. Unfortunately, not all the resolutions live beyond the first week of January.
I have written another article on how to achieve one’s New Year resolutions without fail. But to keep the fun of the Yuletide season going, I will be showing you some funny New Resolutions (with some images) that will bring a new smile to your face.
It’s just my own way of making jest of our failure to keep to our New Year resolutions while bearing in mind the need to work out ways to achieve them as much as possible.
Funny New Year Resolutions
If you ever made a resolution to burn weight in 30 days, or stop alcohol, or smoking, but never kept to it, it is important to find ways to make your New Year resolutions work. But for now, permit me to make a mockery of the situation a bit.
These funny New Year resolutions will make you smile as you remember how much you have been tortured by or failed to meet your New Year targets in the past.
- I will never fall in love, love is too painful and expensive (You know what you’ve been through. Lol).
- My weight loss goal is to do 10 push-ups every day throughout the year even though I failed to accomplish the 5-push-up-per-day goal for last year.
- I just want to be able to do a single pull-up this new year (Says the person who knows that it’s easier said than done).
- I will buy an iPhone with my entire savings at the end of this year. (At least you achieved something if you could).
- I will stop being so empathetic, making excuses for people’s bad behaviors, or being nice to them just because I pity them. They know exactly what they are doing and deserve whatever punishment they receive.
- I was too kind last year. This year, I will be wicked.
- I will join a cult instead of the gym because it is cheaper.
- I will help my friend gain ten pounds, so I can look skinnier. Goals!
- I want to get married this year but I will only date celebrities I have never seen in my life.
- I will stop masturbating with hand sanitizer this new year.
- I will get a handwriting book to improve my handwriting. So many people complained about it last year.
- My New Year resolution is 1280 by 900 pixels.
- Grow my beard and start stroking it whenever I am talking with people. Pride!
- I will read the manual just as soon as I can find it.
- I promise to keep to all my New Year resolutions for more than a week even though I never do.
- I have made a New Year resolution not to make any resolutions because none of the ones I made last year saw it through the first quarter.
- I want to ditch everything from the old year. It’s a new year, new me, new everything.
- I will honestly cut down my data subscription by more than half.
- Last year, I was a whore. This new year, I will be totally celibate.
- I will become intelligent enough to be able to come up with a password other than “12345”, or my name and initials.
- I will avoid taking my bath as much as possible to conserve water.
- I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet if I find someone who will help me check how much time I spend.
- I will stop posting random girls’ pictures as my crush.
- I will stop eating Vitamin C tablets just because it tastes well.
- I don’t know how to have sex. I will learn it this new year.
- I will stop procrastinating this new year.
- Last year was so hectic. I will sleep my normal 15 hours daily this new year.
- I will not bore my boss with the same excuse for taking leave. I will think of something new this new year.
- I will be more honest with myself and others. If you are stinking, you are stinking and that’s exactly what I am going to tell you.
- I will drink more beer this new year. After all, Benjamin Franklin said, “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy”.
- I will have sex more often this year. I did not meet my target of daily sex for at least 300 days last year.
- I will block any attractive boy/girl that is forming too hard to get.
- I will stop worrying about my finances to avoid sapping my emotional energy.
- I will double my spending this new year. If 50 Cent did it, I can do it too.
- I will try to drive closer to the speed limit.
- I will not wet the bed and blame it on my younger brother.
- I promise to clean my room less than once a month. I have other things to do.
- I will read fewer books this new year. Too many books can mess your head up.
- I will gain at least 40 pounds this year. I hate it when people tell me I have lost weight.
- I will get back at everyone who was mean to me last year. Payback time!
- I will make sure to plan the entire year by the end of January without leaving any day behind.
- If I don’t make huge money before February, I will become a scammer.
Funny Resolutions To Counter The Situation (With Images)
New Year resolutions are often positive decisions because individuals take the beginning of the year as a fresh start in their lives. But because most of those positive resolutions don’t get achieved, here are some funny New Year resolutions to make things work.
1. Since it’s traditional to break my New Year’s resolutions, I think this year I’ll try to be fat and lazy and see what happens.
2. Instead of losing weight to fit the basket, I will buy a bigger basket this new year.
3. My New Year’s resolution is to keep doing what I am doing. I have no business stressing myself.
4. We should start calling New Year resolutions the first week’s to-do list to reduce the disappointment a bit.
5. What you say when you make a New Year resolution to learn new things, but life ends up teaching you its own lessons.
6. This is hilarious! Greater days ahead.
7. I can’t stop laughing. Don’t take this seriously.
8. Tired of making New Year Resolutions to lose weight? Try this instead…
9. Every resolution is a resolution. After all, they all don’t live past the first week of January.
10. Here we go again. Lol
11. This is the most sensible advice I have seen about New Year’s resolutions yet.
12. Gain! Gain! Gain pounds!
13. Why do we always ignore the things that really matter?
The End!
