I have seen many people, especially women, who get very worried and sometimes almost paranoid when they are unable to achieve pregnancy. These women live mostly in areas where it is expected that a couple must give birth to a child within the first year of coming or living together.
You may say, why should I keep calm when I have not become pregnant, despite having regular sexual intercourse with my husband? However, you need to understand what infertility is from a medical perspective.
Right from my medical student days, I have been seeing and hearing about this phenomenon where women looking for a child begin to come up with different things to explain their inability to conceive. They may misinterpret common bodily symptoms like headaches, abdominal pain, skin itching, etc, as the causes of their inability to achieve pregnancy.
Sometimes, such women or couples looking for a child may get paranoid and begin to think that someone else is responsible for their infertility, especially when they have tried all that they can. Unfortunately, they may not have gone through the right channel for diagnosing and treating infertility.
It is good that you understand what infertility really is and how you can calmly navigate through the phase of not being able to achieve pregnancy with your partner to when you have had children of your own.
In this post, I will be showing you how to first stay calm, and what you need to do to get pregnant as fast as possible.
Understand What Infertility is Not
You probably already think that you are infertile simply because you have not seen any signs of pregnancy after about four to six months of moving in with your partner. But the standard definition of infertility will surprise you.
Infertility has been defined as the failure or inability to establish a clinical pregnancy after 12 months of regular and unprotected sexual intercourse. Infertility can be due to both male and female factors.[1]Fertility and infertility: Definition and epidemiology – PubMed
The above statement about infertility makes you understand what infertility is not. Even though you don’t have to wait till after one year (12 months) before you begin making interventions towards getting pregnant, the diagnosis of infertility can only be made after one year of regular and unprotected sexual intercourse with your partner.
Why You Need to Stay Calm When Trying to Get Pregnant
It is okay to actively be in search of the solution to the problem of not being able to achieve pregnancy. This is why some women do all that is humanly possible to get pregnant. However, getting yourself overworked because of that can be more harmful than beneficial.
Staying calm can help you maintain control and direction regarding what you need to do to achieve pregnancy. It prevents you from getting paranoid over unnecessary things and focuses more on the important things.
Signs That You Are Worrying Too Much About Fertility
While it is okay to think about what you can do to achieve pregnancy, sometimes the worry can get out of proportion and can start to become harmful to you and/or your relationship with your partner. Here are some signs that are probably worrying too much about not being able to achieve pregnancy.
- It’s only a few months or less than a year.
- You misdiagnose every little thing going on in your body as the cause of your infertility.
- You find it hard to believe what doctors say if it does not align with the preconceived causes of your infertility.
- You are very desperate to try anything possible to achieve pregnancy.
Doing too much worrying about your inability to conceive can cause you to make mistakes or do things that would harm you or your health. If you are trying hard to get pregnant, you should do all you can to keep your calm, even if it means having to get your mind off it for a considerable time.
What to Worry About in Your First Year
In the first year, there are important things you need to ensure to achieve pregnancy. Achieving pregnancy may be easy when you are much younger but things may not be the same at a much older age.
Here are some important things to ensure within the first year of coming together to increase your chances of getting pregnant as a couple.
1. Regular sex with your partner
Regular sex has a definition, and it is when you a couple have sex at least three times a week for one year. If your partner lives out of town, and you want to get pregnant, coming closer to each and spending more time together will be recommended.
2. Adequate sex
Getting adequate sex with your partner can increase your chances of getting pregnant. Sex is said to be adequate when it lasts at least three to seven minutes until climax.[2]Good sexual intercourse lasts minutes, not hours, therapists say | Penn State University It can also be defined in terms of the satisfaction for both partners. You need to enjoy it, not have it just because you want to get pregnant.
3. Unprotected sexual intercourse
The definition of infertility excludes protected sexual intercourse, and we are all aware of why that is. Using any form of contraceptives either knowing or unknowingly to either or both partners can ruin your chances of getting pregnant no matter how much you try. Ensure that both of you are free from contraception every time you have sex with each other.
4. Knowing your cycle
Understanding your menstrual cycle can help you increase your likelihood of achieving pregnancy with your partner. There are safe and fertile periods in every woman’s menstrual cycle. Safe periods are further away from the time of ovulation than fertile periods, meaning if you want to get pregnant, you must ensure you have regular and adequate sexual intercourse close to the ovulation period which is between days 12 to 16 of the menstrual cycle.
Knowing The Problems and Solutions
When you are trying to get pregnant with your partner, it is always best to see it as a couple’s thing, not just you alone. The factors associated with infertility can be related to you, your partner, or both of you together.
The factors could be related to the female partner only. This includes problems like hormonal imbalance, anovulation, tract blockage due, to uterine insufficiency, fibroid, pelvic infections, and so on. Each of these has a different modality for treatment in the hospital.
Factors relating to the male partner only include low sperm count, low libido, erectile dysfunction, and other lifestyle habits like smoking and alcoholism that may affect the quality of ejaculation during sex.
Aside from these, the factors for infertility could be related to incompatibility in both partners. This is why your doctor will usually ask you the important question if you or your partner have given birth to a child with another partner before meeting each other.
5-Step Algorithm When Trying to Get Pregnant
Instead of jumping to the conclusion that the problem is from the woman, it is important to explore all the possible causes step by step. Below is a 5-step algorithm when trying to get pregnant as a couple.
1. Regular and adequate sexual intercourse
Before arriving at a diagnosis of infertility with your partner, you first have to ask yourself if you are having regular and adequate sexual intercourse with your partner. Not until you can satisfy the doctor that you are having regular sexual intercourse, including fertile periods, with your partner for at least one year, can a diagnosis of infertility be made.
2. Address the female factors
In matters of infertility, the woman is often the first to be accused, but while that is not always the case, most women consider addressing the female factors first. You want to look out for the following:
- When was your last menses?
- Is your menstruation regular, occurring at around the same time every month?
- Do you experience ovulation symptoms (slight increase in body temperature around your mid-cycle, stretching of your cervical mucus, and mild lower abdominal pain)?
- Do you have any abnormal vaginal discharge?
- Have you experienced excessive bleeding lately?
These help you to establish that there is no abnormality in your reproductive cycle, as well as exclude the presence of genital tract infections or intra-uterine masses like fibroids.
If you are unable to assess these factors yourself, you should consult your doctor for a more thorough evaluation.
3. Address the male factors
Contrary to what many people think, infertility can also be from the man. It is important to address both the male and female factors simultaneously. The male factors include the following:
- Weak or poor erection (erectile dysfunction) – can result from lifestyle choices like smoking, alcoholism, and medical conditions like hypertension, diabetes, etc. It is important to address these.
- Poor ejaculation.
- Low sperm count – could be hormonal (low testosterone), or related to lifestyle choices as above.
4. Address both partner factors
It is possible to find it hard to conceive even if there is nothing medically wrong with either couple. Both the man and woman are in a good state with no issues individually. This can be seen in cases of anti-sperm antibodies where a woman produces antibodies against sperm cells from a man, but not necessarily against sperm from every other man.[3]Sperm Antibody – an overview | ScienceDirect Topics
5. Consider IVF
When you have tried all others and failed, Invitro fertilization (IVF) can increase your chances of achieving a viable pregnancy. IVF also has an associated chance of multiple gestation, thus helping you recover the years you may have lost without a child.
The drawbacks of IVF are that it is expensive, and there is often no guarantee that the procedure will be successful to term. However, your doctor will put measures in place to ensure the success of the procedure and the viability of the pregnancy to term.
Final words
Before you begin worrying about infertility, you need to exclude other reasons why you may not have achieved pregnancy with your partner. Are you having regular intercourse with your partner, or he is out of town?
It is important to worry about the important things and not allow fear of stigma or otherwise creep into you to destabilize you mentally. Some of the important things include checking yourself and your spouse for any medical conditions that can affect fertility, lifestyle modifications, and ensuring you are having regular and unprotected sexual intercourse.
Lastly, it is worth remembering that infertility has a solution. The 5-step algorithm can help you figure out what causes could be responsible for your infertility. In any case, you should see your doctor for expert evaluation and counseling on the next line of management.
